Last chance to say goodbye...

So... today is the last day of the year, huh!??

At last!!!!
It took awhile huh!??...
and here I thought it'll never come!!.. hahahaa..
How was the year 2008 had been for you?
good?
bad?
satisfied with the achievements?

2008 for me was like a roller-coaster ride..
fast,
high adrenaline
crazy and
scary
but, I survived!! wuhoo!!!

I wonder what 2009 will be like?
Will it be as crazy and scary?
Will I have another (or several..) breakdown?
Will I have another crazy obsession? or
Will I have peaceful and more meaningful life?
I would very much like to have a happy and meaningful life but,
don't we all? hahahhaaa....

So today is my last chance to say goodbye to all memories of 2008..
Thank you for all the lessons that I went through..
However, there will be memories and incidents that I want to forget and I will never, ever mention of these memories again. They will be lost in my heart, forever.. Its the only way for me to heal...

So, goodbye 2008...
I'll never see you again and
I have no regrets!!
Sayonara..

Mirror mirror on the Wall..

My father turns 70 today (Dec 26th)..
I can't believe it!!
I don't believe it!!

The big 7-0!!

Never in my wildest dream that I get to see my father become 70 years old!!
Never in my wildest dream that I get to see Anyone to be 70 years old and still strong!!

Maybe deep inside, when it comes to parents, we are still very much a child. We say to them that we want to grow up and expect them to treat us as equals but somehow I think, deep down inside we still want them to treat us like when we were a child. Hold us, tell us that they love us..

Yes, we do get irritated sometimes when they ask if we've eaten or when they tell us that we acted badly but honestly, even after each phone call that they make, secretly, we feel somehow proud, satisfied and loved..and not to mention a massive headache!!!

And You know why?

Purely selfish reasons actually!!
We feel loved (secretly) because our parents still loves us no matter what crap we gave them!!
I know I do!!..

For me, time stood still when it comes to my parents.
For me, my mother's age does not go beyond 50 and my father will always be 63...
I always believed that they will not age.. that they will stop growing old after that age limit. hahaa!! ridiculous, huh!??

I wonder how my father was this morning?..
Waking up very early for his morning prayers..
thanking god that he is still alive for another day..
Looking at the mirror and staring at the lines of years on his face..
So many memories..happy, sad
People he lost over the years.. so many of them..
The years that has passed by..
It must have been really sad to look over the years and losing so many loved ones...
I wonder if he has any regrets?
Is there anything that he would like to change if he were given that chance?..

Now, wouldn't that be a prefect gift for that 70 year old man, huh?..
The gift of time... to go back in time and change any part of his life...

How I wish I could give him that...
hummm

..Sayonara

p/s... merry christmas for those celebrating and a happy new year..
especially to you Annie Temple, you rock!!!...

War of the Roses

Are your neighbours nosy?
Believe me when I say that I do not want to fall into that category
but,
I think I am...(!!??!!)

Let me tell you a bit of my neighbourhood..
I live in the suburb with a healthy environment,
pleasant,
everyone smiles at each other,
children playing at the playground freely..
you cannot help but feel safe.
No doubt there are a few setbacks here & there like the time where my house got raided by thieves.. aside from that, its a beautiful place to live in..

My story is about a neighbour of mine..

One door down, is a married couple. They have a son and according to reliable sources, the son lives with the wife's parents in another state. Both husband (Joe) and wife are workaholics. They go to work very early in the morning and return home after dark. Often I think, they would have breakfast together before going off on their separate ways..I have seen this ritual ever since I moved in early this year..

They look content with this arrangement and seemed like a happy couple. Mind you, I am not a nosy neighbour is just that ever since my house was broken into a few months back, I became more aware of my surroundings and neighbours.

This past months, I have noticed that I have seen less and less of them. The wife would return home circa 8pm and Joe will follow suit but lately, they would return home very late circa 10pm-11pm. Sometimes only Joe comes home or just the wife. At first,I didn't really took notice because them being workaholics, its nothing new that they would spend the nite at the office to finish up their work.. Usually one day of the week they would be home, which is the weekends but now, there's no one home even on a Sunday.

And today, my husband pointed out an interesting observation..he says that our neighbour would return home at different times as not to meet each other.

And here I am thinking that I was nosy!!!.. I think is because he missus his smoking buddy at night!!..(Joe and my husband would accompany each other smoking cigarette outside at the porch..) That was why he noticed the change in my neighbour's schedule..

His conclusion was that, they, my neighbours are having a fight.. Maybe one was cheating and the other found out of the affair..
I think, because the affair was out in the open, bitter & angry words were exchanged and one left home.. They couldn't get a divorce (yet) because they may still have feelings for each other and furthermore, they have a child who is living far away to think off...

I missed my neighbour.. she's my only "friend" here...

Moral of the story..If you want to have an affair, try not to get caught!! It would be so messy later on!!...

How are you, my husband?

My life, at the moment is not perfect but,
its not bad either.
Yes, 2008 is or has been a difficult year not just for me,
but also for my other half..
What with him between jobs and me,
being an unhealthy person for most part of the year, must have been quite difficult for him.

I never actually asked him, how he coped through out the year.. does that make me a bad person? Hell!! I even tried to bailed on his birthday!!

I think that qualifies me as a Certified Bad Person!!

Why am I mean to him? I do feel sometimes that I am a little hard on him.. not always, just on occasion.. I tend to be a little heartless, some may say a little inconsiderate.. People say to me that I married a man who loves and excepts me for who I am even with all my flaws and I am one of the luckiest women on earth....

There are so many dotted lines that needs to be filled out and I find that I am running out of answers...
I do not have much time left, the year is almost coming to the end and I need to find some kind of closure before I can proceed to the next year...

What should I do?...

The first move, why me?

Last night I found a long lost friend online.
I was surprised to hear from him.

We use to be close but, ahh!!..that was ancient history!!
But still, I was surprised that he was still awake at that time...

Which brings me to this question,
have you ever thought that in other part of the world, someone you know is also thinking of you as you are thinking of that person?

The irony of this is, why isnt that person take the first move?
Why does it always, almost everytime it has to be you that makes that first move?
It is tiring, isn't it?

When I was younger, in search of true love, I always envisioned (and pray!!..) that the right guy will come and make the first move and sweep me off to a far away place....

I was young and naive!!
It will never happen in real life, well in my life anyway!!
So in the end, it was me who made that first move...
But you know, no matter how hard you tried, you will somehow, lose that person.
The person that you tried so hard getting by making the right moves, saying the right things...

ahh.. that is life!! cruel!! but you have to live it you can't run away...

Is that time of the year again where I become melancholic, forgive me...

bummer!!

My latest Obsession

hehee!!!....
so, I am still not done yet with my sudden interest in Korean drama...
and he is the reason of this crazy obsession...



Bae Yong Jun, everyone!! remember that name!!!...

and the best part is, we are of the same age!!
yes!!!

Korean drama, anyone?

Can I interest you with a Korean drama?
For some of you, especially those in Asia,
you'll definitely know the actor.

Even if you have not seen his ever famous drama,
Winter Sonata
you know him!!!

Yes, he is Bae Yong Joon!!! remember that name!!

The drama is called The Legend and it comes in a 2-box set.

I am so, definitely hooked!!!
Now I understand why my elder sister is his ultimate biggest fan!!

Go and watch this drama...
Some way you will get hooked!!
Believe me!!
Trust me when I say, resistance is definitely futile!!!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and watch episode 26 (onwards..hehehhee!!), again!!!

Sayonara!!!

Blending in and Accepting the Truth

It seems that there is still hope for me to
blend in with society..

A while ago we had dinner outside, they were showing the sports channel. There was a match going on, Badminton somewhere in Hong Kong (I think!!??) I actually enjoyed the game. It has been awhile. Did you know that I like to watch sports?

Yes. I enjoy sports especially football (aka soccer), tennis and rugby (for obvious reasons, heheee!!). But I must say, football is still the best!!.. Be it the World Cup, EPL, Bundesliga I used to enjoy them..passionately.

I actually felt connected with everyone at the restaurant.
It is as if I belong there..
as if I am part of society...it was so satisfying!!..

The last time I felt like this was during the last World Cup in 2006.. It was THE most satisfying feeling I've ever felt!!
The suspense
The thrill
The frustration
The tears and blood
are the Soul of the Game

Ahh!!... especially during the Penalty Shoot-out!! I Really hate it when a team has to go through with the Penalty Shoot-out... don't you just hate it!!

Anyway, I was at my parents place yesterday (for my weekly ritual visits...). I have been wanting to do it for awhile and alas, I braved myself to go on the weighing scale.

Yes people!!
I have gained weight..(bohoo!!...)
I wasn't surprised at all!! Wonder why?!!??hhmmm
I think the main reason is that I have stopped feeling sorry for myself and beginning to embrace life with more maturity and forgiving (for myself and my ego anyway..).
I have a feeling that in some cruel way, the song (Stand in the Rain) made me see myself more clearly without judgment or prejudice.

Is this how I actually am?
Crying myself to sleep?
Suffering alone?

I'm beginning to understand now why I've been so tired all these years...

A sad anniversary

Tuesday, November 26th..
It has been one complete year since the incident that I lost my unborn child.

That day, was a sad day for me..
It rained the whole day..a cool day..a sad day..
It still hurts thinking about it..
Not a single day passed by that I don't think of my baby...
I guess what hurts more is the fact that my body agrees that I am not fit to carry on...

I was listening to the radio that sad, rainy afternoon. Drowning myself in self pity & loath when the dj spinned this song..

I find the song fitting to my soul and what I felt at that moment, and I want to share the song with you...


Stand In the Rain -Superchick-
She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain


please forgive mama.. mama was not strong enough..

The new Me (?)

You know what is my biggest problem?
One of many anyways..
I do not know how to initiate a conversation, or in this blog writing case, finding the first words.
so here goes..

Today I've decided to go through with it after thinking about it long and hard. It has bothered me real bad. I am normally a patience kind of person but this thing is driving me crazy and I have had enough.... My hair has come to a point where I can't take care of it any longer!!

Arrgghh!!!!

So in the end, after months of patience and evaluating, I had a hair cut.
Short.. a little layered..

I must say, I look good!!! really good!!

It has been so long since I felt like this.
The strength that crept in you, subtly after a good cut.
You feel you own the world!! and sexy at the same time..
I miss that feeling.
I used to feel like this all the time at some point in my life but now, I realize I don't feel like I own the world anymore, let alone feel sexy.

Why is that?
Do you think its because I have unintentionally shied myself away from society or was it on purpose? Do you think that deep down inside, unconsciously my alter ego has been controlling me all this while?

I say this because I know for a fact that my alter ego (aka Joary) is an Attention Seeker. She will do anything to seek some kind of attention, even the slightest attention. She's crazy that way!!.

If that is the case, I have lost the battle way before it even started!. I was never given the chance to prove myself!!...

...

The lost 10mins

Today was like any other day..
another Sunday.. a beginning of a new week
but deep down inside, I knew that something was amiss.
I cant really describe it but, its another of those deep gut feeling
that you just can't shake off...

Like always, I woke up early (I consider 7.30am on a Sunday IS early!!..)
started the day as usual with the laundry,
then the breakfast,
later giving my girls showers,
preparing everyone for our lunch date
then I remembered,
today they will air the last episode of the Korean drama that I've been following (well, on and off) for the past months, BUMMER!!

If I am going to make it,
in time to be locked in front of the telly, I need to speed everyone up!!!
Now, how do I do that?!!...

It looks like I need to wear my Drill Sergeant beret for today!!
Move!!, move!!, move!!!

After all the dissatisfaction look that I received, I somehow manage to sit in front of the telly before the show even started!! yayy for me!!!

Its a really sad story...
I'm sure everyone (everyone like me..hahaa!!)
wants to know if the two of them would choose each other...
With my coffee as my companion, my anticipation has gone wild!!
crazy even and suddenly...
the satellite dish has gone psycho on me!!
its at the utmost important part of the whole *blinking* story and I've lost the signal!!!....

arrggh!!!! all I needed was 10mins!!
the last 10mins!!
The most important 10mins that will shape the whole drama!!...
arrgghh!!!

So what did I do to improvise?
I turn to the ever resourceful the World Wide Web!!

hahaa!!!
and what did I find?!!
YES!! the 10mins that I lost to the satellite signal!!



hahhaaa!!!....

Now, what am I going to do next week?
bummer!!

The Day of Reckoning

Today's the Day!!!..
Today's the Day!!!!..

Last call people...
any ideas?
guys...
anyone... yuhoo??!!

I could fake a pain, yes? no?..

FRIDAY 14th

...what to do?.. what to do?...
arrggghh!!!!

My other half birthday is this freakin' Friday..
FRIDAY the 14th
and I don't know what to get him...

Maybe I could still get away with it?
what do you think?
Men, by nature never ever remember dates or numbers, right?
or maybe, he doesn't remember its his birthday until days later..?
that would be nice, yes? and I do not have to crack my head to figure out what to get for his 37th birthday...

Unless, by some cruel turn of event, someone decided to give him a call and wish him
Happy freakin' Birthday...!!!

..I'll kill that person!! By George I will!!

But, what if he remembers and expect some kind of present or surprise from me?!?!?!????

Argghh!!!!! ...
What to do??.. what to do??
Where to hide??!!....
What should I get for his present??!!

Nectar from Heaven

A few nights ago I had a take-out at a restaurant nearby.

They serve local dish with a dash of Thai influence. 

We ordered the usual seafood Tom-yam*. 

But this time, my sister decided to be a bit adventurous so she orderd a dish 

called Tom-yam Pokpek. 

I do not know if the dish is actually named Tom-yam Pokpek or if it has been changed just to make the dish sounds interesting.. 

Here in South-East Asia, we know that Thai foods are very spicy and beautiful. 

I have the utmost respect for Thai food!! 

This particular dish, Tom-yam Pokpek has all the seafood that you can imagine in it. It has crab, cuttlefish, prawns, siput lala (a kind of seafood..), lots and lots of lemongras, lemon, tomatoes, ginger, chillies... writting about it makes me drool!!!! 

This is one wicked dish!!! 

It is heavenly!! It makes me cry just thinking about it!!! 

The after-taste.. how can I describe it to you??.... It is something out of this world!

It's better than sex!! 

It is a true NECTAR FROM HEAVEN...

I need to taste it again!! 

I'll go crazy if I don't! 

p/s : to those of you who wants to try, the reastaurant is in Bandar Bukit Puchong BP3,

at the junction of BP3/5

*Tom-yam = a Thai version of soup. It comes in many colors, clear, red..   

Proudest person on this forsaken Earth

Yesterday my girls made me the proudest mother on earth. 

While we were doing our monthly grocery shopping,  

Syakira, the older daughter decided than she wants to hold hands with her

sister, Alyaa. She wanted to walk with her sister,  hand-in-hand.

Amazing!!   We were all confused!! 

Not just us the parents, but even Alyaa!! 

Syakira all this while, has never displayed any form of affections towards her sister.

So you must understand why Alyaa at first refused to hold her sister's hand. But when we eplained to her that Syakira only wanted to hold her hand, she was sooo happy!..

Alyaa was smilling all the way!! 

I could not describe to you the feeling I felt then. 

The proudest moment of my life. 

Now I know without a doubt that if anything were to happen to me, 

Syakira will take good care of Alyaa...   

Siblings rivalry, the Finale

This will be my last entry on this subject.
Merely because it is a never-ending, nerve-wrecking subject and
life, as we know it have to go on.
Mine anyway...

Someone said to me that people, be it your closes relative or even your best-friend,
there will always be that one person who will always find fault with you.
No matter how hard you try being nice to this person, he/she will always not like your guts.
Its in their blood. They just can't help it!!

On the other hand, I somehow always try to make people like me. I just wanted to fit in.

Isn't this like high school all over again?
Trying to fit in with the cool & famous girls?
Leaving behind those who actually cares and love you?

Is it all worth it? Trying to win & being so caught up in this "war" until it made me neglect my responsibilities?

No!.. First and for most, they are your number one priority.
Nothing should matter more than your own children.

Allah has given us women/mothers/wives a big responsibility because Allah knows we are THE only creature who can withstand extreme pressure!!

There was several times I felt that I wanted to give up!. My body & soul was too tired of this squabblings and accusations. At that time I didn't know what to do. What with the operation and all. I was reaching a point where I wanted to leave everything and try to find a quiet place were I could actually be alone to rest and think. They say talking to others helps. Maybe, but not for me. I'm afraid of their scrutiny and judgmental. I'd rather swallow everything alone and hopefully the pain will wear-off. The elders understood it. They knew the person I am. That was why they left me alone drowning in my own misery and hoping that one day I might share some with them.

During these sufficating times, I sensed that my children seemed distant. They somehow knew that there was something wrong with their mother & they looked frightened.

What should I to do? I turned to the only one "force" that could understand me. ALLAH

I am not a religous person but I knew that I am not alone and deep down in my soul, there is some strength left in me to raise my children to be better human beings & with the help of my husband, to protect my family from harm.

sumimasen ........
ohaiyo

Siblings rivalry

Someone once told me that when a woman starts cleaning, like major cleaning, that means she’s thinking and that her brain cells are actually used up to the max (200%). He also gave me a heads up that I might be that kind of person. I did not take any of this seriously because I thought he was just being mean. I was so wrong!!.. I just realized it a few days ago when I was doing spring cleaning around the house. My brain was so busy thinking, analyzing, finding answers and solutions. A lot was happening up there, in my brain. It came to a point where I think I heard myself answering my own questions. That was scary!!

All this while I thought that I was ok, I thought that I had no problems with people around me especially my siblings. Again, I was wrong. It seems that I do have problems with them. To be exact, they have a problem with me and now, this “disease” may have spread to the elders aka the old folks. I thought that everyone would be busy balancing between work and family, neither of this would happen. I think someone may have started a small spark and now it is beginning to grow.

 

Siblings rivalry. Does it still exist? 

We have all grown up. We all have family, children, other commitments. Why is it still there? Why does it still hovers above us? Why cant they just leave me be? They have everything that the heart desires!!.. Leave me alone!! Enough of this never-ending rivalry and hatred!!. I’m tired!!..

I was accused of not being sensitive to the well-being of the elders.

I am also accused of not able to keep my family in good shape/health.

I am accused of not being a good home keeper. 

I am accused of not being sensitive to the people around me. 

I am accused of not spending more time with them (the other Joary) They say that I am sad and that I need to go out and meet other people ( I have to agree on that last one..heheee).

 

How do one react to this when I am the kind of person who avoids confrontation at all cost?

 

Why cant they just leave me alone?. I would love to spill my beans here and share everything with you but, I can’t!. You can never be too careful. We do not know who might be reading this blog. They do not know the existence of this blog but, what if??... 

 

One can never be too careful…

 

Oyazumi, Sayonara  

    

John Abraham

... john abraham, ladies.
still yummy!!!
heheee..

I just got in...

Ohaiyo everyone...

I'm once again back from the holidays..
My activities?
errr, let me think??
what did I do through out the whole week??!!??
I ate & ate & ate..
and that was the HIGHLIGHT of the entire week!!!

mmuuaahhaahaaa!!!

Catch you later dudes!!!...

p/s...enjoy my new selection..

A Slow Sunday..aarrgghhh

...it is either I'm bored
or
I am a boring person..
either ways
today has been a very very very slow day...

p/s..went shopping earlier for my girls this morning. But even that did not help!!

Another Joary

hayy... (say it like Ross from the Friends..)
Waddup..

I just found out today that a member of the Joary clan holds a significant
position in the country's Judiciary System...

She is actually the Deputy Registrar in a Federal Court... and she's only 34 years old!
Among her job scope are, she actually reads out the Judges judgment to the prosecutor.

Now, how cool is that!!!..

*some part have been deleted*

It seems that now, her job scope has become more complicated and powerful.

*some part have been deleted*

Now, I'm afraid of her...
I'm sorry, I just felt like sharing this piece of information with you.

Seminggu sebelum Hari Raya

iiisshhh!!!....

Bila lah nak pegi beli kasut raya nih??!!....
Kuih raya pun belum beli lagi nih..
apa nak jadi entah!!...

Ohaiyo...

I'm so into Japanese these past days...
must be the after effect of the Takeshi Kaneshiro movie that I saw last week!!.....
hahahaaa...

Ever since the operation 1 month ago, I have been more of a couch potato and its not entirely my fault!?
I WAS following doctors' orders!!! they say I cant move much and I must rest a lot!!!...
So, that was exactly what I did!!!

hehee..

So anyway, I watched every possible story there is on the telly.
From game shows to talk shows to soaps. Be it chick-flick, war movie or even scary movies,
I watched them all..
And now, I am addicted to one Korean drama series. I don't know what they call it in Korean but in Malaysia, we know it by the name Princess Hours. Yes, it is a chick-flick!!. And yes, everybody looks beautiful in the story even the guys!!! So curse me all you want because, I do enjoy the story!!!.. hahahaaaaa!!!....

Oh, by the way, do you like my latest gadget?
the music player thingy?!!?? Ever since I have the player, I feel as if I am so techie!!.. which in truth, I am not!!
So, if any of you out there who has problem loading the player, please tell me.. it is a problem that needs attention, yes?!!...


With that in mind, I bid you adieu and good night...
... oyasuminasai

Sweet Rain

Last night I watched a Japanese movie.
The hero? Takeshi Kaneshiro, of course!!..hehe..
The movie is called Shinigami no Seido and in English it is known as Sweet Rain.

As usual, he is yummy..no dispute on that.. what I want to share with you is the movie soundtrack..the song is beautiful and soft.

What I have attached here where you can find the instrumental version ie the piano version, so you can imagine how beautiful the song really is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sf5Vxl1IBKU





oh, I almost forgot.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME... i'm so old!!

Richard Marx

I would like to take this opportunity
to wish a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RICHARD MARX...
yes, remember him?
Endless Summer Nights?... yes!!! that's the one!!!

Its not that he is ever going to read this blog but, what if, huh?!!..

Yes, I was one of millions girls who fell in love with him!!..
I was 17 then, forgive me.
Its the hair!!!.. hehee..

anyway, Happy Birthday to you Richard Marx....

p/s.. my birthday is just around the corner!!!

Present

What do I want for my birthday?

hmm...

Either one of these
would be nice...
Know anyone who is
rich enough or
crazy enough
to give me these?

(lower left)2000 Mercedes Benz CLK,
(upper right)BMW 3 series convertible

The Break In part 2

It has been 5 days since the accident.
The Break-In.
I checked some of my belongings...
My engagement and my wedding ring was gone...

Now I'm really pissed!!!..and very very sad!!!

A Violation of Mankind

I feel so violated!!....

Yesterday, someone broke into my home..
They ransacked my bedroom. The place which I share with my husband...
They went into my girls room..

But thank God, we weren't home when it all happened.
Can you just imagine what would happen to us, if at that point in time we were home?
Me & the girls at home while the husband is out in the office?

They got away with the laptop, the batteries, the charger, practically the whole bag!!
It was THE most easiest thing to carry. I kept my girls pictures, videos, my best memories in that laptop...

I pray that God will punish them and made them suffer so badly that they wish they were dead!!...
I pray that these people will burn in hell..

Hayy

Good day darling...

Today I came across an interesting survey. I have attached it for all of you. You dont have to tell me your answers but it would be nice if you could answer it honestly.

You'd be surprise of the answers... hehhee..

Have a beautiful day...

Bored to the skull

It is Sunday today and I'm all alone at my parents place.
They have all gone to visit a clan member aka my sister who gave birth about 3 weeks ago.

So, what should a women like me do in with these free time?
An hour or two all to myself?.... surf the internet and look for interesting news/events, of course. Unfortunately, the world has become a sad place to live in. Everywhere you go there's some political unbalance, wars, riots....

Not wanting to be upset, I start looking for interesting pictures. And man!!! there's lots of interesting pictures all over the net. You just have to know where to look.


The first picture, the ever yummy, Takeshi Kaneshiro....ahhh!!!!




Now this is another dangerously good looking guy.. let me introduce to you, John Abraham. He is a model/actor in India... isn't he Yummy?...

My husband is not going to like this posting..hahhaaa..but do I care??? hmmmm??

He says that I have too much spare time and it has gone to my head... I have always been the fan for these guys so, don't really matter what people say.

So I like to look and admire good looking and dangerously good looking male.
I am human....

The picture

Not for the faint hearted...

As I promised earlier, I'm sharing with you
the picture of the stones that was taken out from
my bladder...


...scary, yes? Its amazing how i survived all these years...


On a lighter note... Today is my baby's birthday... she's 2yrs old today....
Mama sayang adik..

Men & Sex

Watcha doin`?
Guess what, earlier I got a call from an old friend. We had so much of catching up to do.We talked for an hour plus. We talk about everything, our family, our love life well, her love life actually... I learned a lot from the conversation.

One interesting topic that I would like to share with you...
The question is : can you measure a mans happiness by the numbers of the children that he has? Assuming that he has only 1 wife & no gf.
Answer : No.. this,coming from a guy who has 4 children of his own.

Ironic huh? I have always had the impression that a guy must be happily married if he has lots of offspring. Don't they? Apparently I was wrong!!

Again, I ask, How can you not be happy? It takes two to tango, right?
She added that a man can have a very good job, a loving wife, a healthy sex, beautiful children but still are not happy. Why do you think this could happen. This guy has everything. So I think there must be something lacking in his life.

I understand the need for men to "look around", I mean looking and admiring beautiful people, women to be exact. They need it to spice up their sex life. I get that but, how can you not be happy?...

I'm confused.
Next time, we are going to discuss on a womens point of view....

Sempurna

I am at the moment is listening to the song Andra and the Backbone, its called Sempurna

It is such a beautiful song and it makes me cry every time I hear the song.

Joary is feeling mellow this past weeks...
Agung sungguh cinta mamat nih. Sungguh romantik jiwa nya

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna.. Sempurna..

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Big Newss!!!

Hayy!!!

I've got a big news that I want to share.
I came across a MySpace page of one of Asia's biggest, yummiest artist.
And seems that he is MARRIED...
How is t that I didn't know that he is married when I am suppose to be his biggest..est fan!!!?? Bummer!!..

Maybe everybody else already knows, but me....


..aahh my Takeshi Kaneshiro, your soo yummy...

Hayy people...

I'm still recovering from my operation.
The nurse said that my stitches are done beautifully. I have nothing to worry of it getting infections. All I need to do now is face the facts that the scar across my belly is never ever going away...

Hey.. I'm back

Alhamdulillah...Praise be to Allah

I have done the operation. The galstone operation. I have lots of stones. I will share with you the pix once I've taken it. It turns out to be an open operation & not the laser cut/shortcut-easy operation. I have this scar across my belly, which seems to be healing...

Allah loves us.. remember that!!!

.."oyasuminasai" means good night...

The results is out...

Hey..whaddup?!!

So, now I know whats really wrong with me...
I have gallstone in my bladder.
I saw the ultrasound. There's lots and lots of tiny stones in my bladder.

There must be a good reason for all this. This thing doesn't just happen, right? You know what I think, I think Allah still loves me. Even after all the things (more bad than good, I think..) that I've done over the past years. I know for a fact that I am not a good person, not very religious if I may add. But somehow, deep down in my gut, I know that this illness is not a curse in fact, I believe its a test. A reality check, a wake-up call for me to be a better person/mom/wife/daughter.

Yes, that is what it is, the miscarriage last year and now this gallbladder thingy. I think Allah still loves me, I know Allah still loves me...

Syukur Alhamdulillah
Wish me luck then...

News of the day

OK people!! gather round. i have an interesting piece of news to
share with you.

Come on closer..

I was at the hospital last week for a second opinion. Unfortunately, I was only given an appointment date (16.6.08 in case your asking...) Well, nevermind that since I'm not in any pain.

Whats wrong with me? Well, since the last time I had a bad gastric pain (which was last month), I went to see the doctor at the clinic for a second visit. The doctor had a feeling that something else might have triggered my pain since the pain was more apparent around the abdominal area. The doctor suspect that I may have a cysts. Liver cysts to be exact. Later the doctor than referred me to the hospital for a second opinion.

Do you want to know how does a cysts looks like under an ultrasound?...




I got this image on the internet. Scary huh? Dont be, they say this kind of cysts is nothing to worry about.

Did you know that only about 5% of the population has it? I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, huh??? Now, since my appointment is next week, I will share you the details of the outcome. If or not I need to undergo a minor surgery.

Untill then, good night, sleep tight, and May God Be with You...

Assalamualaikum

Help me....please

Help me find my car!!...
Me and my car are BFF...
I need my car...
I love my car...
I miss my car...
I can't sleep without my car...

Can anyone help me?
Will you help me?

Heyyy you....

..after one complete circle of the full moon, I have now re-surfaced again.
Not to burden you once again with my nonsensical rambling, but with a new story, a chapter as you may of a new cycle of life....

Heavy intro, yes?!!

Actually, I just got back after 2 weeks of wedding party... my sister in-law got married. Since my better half is the ONLY son in the family, he needs to perform his duty as the Chieftain, the Wali , the host, the errand runner.. everything.
And me?..well, I'm just there for the food!!!...hahhaahhaa.... maybe some of you have read my earlier topic on weddings, you'll know that I LOVE weddings... and as I have mentioned earlier, weddings brings out the worst and also the best in you.




..this is the bride and groom




..and this is us, stuffing our faces!!

The food was excellent, some of us had a bad case of tummy ache because of all the food that was stuffed down our throats, but let me tell you this, IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!!
..hhaahhaahhaaa....

So, after weeks dreamlike heavy partying and swimming at the waterfalls, it is time for us to head back to the reality-dome called home...

But despite all the misunderstandings, name-calling and the age-old feeling of jealousy, I think the wedding went well!!!....

FYI I have another wedding ceremony this weekend, a Clan ceremony, its my cousin!!.. I hope it will be an eventful gathering... haahhaaa...

The Pain

I'm in pain!!! excruciating pain!!!

Have you ever had a gastric pain? You do know what I'm talking
about, right!?? Isn't it scary!!!
I have heard people puking and fainting because of gastric, and I thought they are exaggerating... how bad can this pain be, right?

Was I wrong!!! its really painful!!! not as painful as giving birth but still painful....

I can't sit up right because of this pain I'm experiencing right now. I may have to get back to you in a few days time....

I'm sorry but I'll be back...

HELLOO...

Big hello to you.. assalamualaikum

Hah!! at last, I'm ready to update some news (or something)here..
It felt like ages, doesn't it??...

I want to show you something..come, follow me...

..seconds ago, while I was cleaning up my laptop, deleting some unused programs (and games..hehehhee..) I came across this particular picture...



guess who is that person, sleeping?..

Yes!!! that is me!! yours truly!!!.. I was shocked.. Do I have a big a** or what!??
Its amazing how another person could sleep soundly on me!!!

What a shocker, huh!!! hhahhaaa!!!!.....

Family quick trip

I'm guilty... I confess!!..
Harrharr...

So today, I planned to see one of the Joary off to Mecca. She'll be flying from the Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA for short..)at 3pm...

We were kinda late. Well actually, we missed the flight entirely!!! hahaaa...
..uwaaa!!..it's my bad!!

Instead, we still made the trip to KLIA and took a few pictures. Excuse the quality, I took it from the phone camera. You know how this things are, they are never clear/perfect when you want them. So here are the pictures..
















Got to go, but dont worry, I'll be back....

..It's Friiiidaaaaayyyy.....

wuuuuhhooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You

..Thank you for all your support.
Especially to you Rosz.. it has been awhile, huh?
Hope to be seeing you around...

From now on, I will be more cheerful and less depress.
But you always say that my dear Joary....

Fear

What is your greatest fear?
Have you asked that question to yourself recently?
You should. You'd be surprise of the answer.

As for me, my greatest fear would be that one day people will forget about me. Just like that movie Forever Young (Mel Gibson) Remember the scene when he woke up and the world that he once knew had changed? If it were me, I wouldn't want to wake up in that situation.

I have always had this fear even as a child. I was the quiet one in the family. I tend to cry when I get too frustrated or angry with my sisters. They had always teased me and eventually, I will cry, again... Because of this behavior, I have always kept my feelings, frustrations, anger to myself. I've learn to teach myself that it is safer to stay away from them/people and live in my own "world". No one can hurt me. When my father comes home from work, I will hug him and cry my heart out. He never asked why. He just hold me for a few minutes, and it was enough. More that enough for me...

Where am going with all this, you ask? Well, last Friday my father was admitted again to the hospital. He had a bleeding in the nose and subsequently a low blood pressure. I wanted to visit him but my mother told me not to. She had a good reason, mind you its just that, I felt frustrated, angry, sad and felt being left out despite her good intentions.

I know I'm talking crazy, no parent can forget their child, its just that I'm afraid that since my other sisters can hold an "intelligent" conversation with my father and I can't that my father will somehow, ignore me and over the years will forget that I exist.

I want to share another story with you. This happened when I was very young. I was maybe 5 or 6 years old. I remember it very clearly. My father had to go abroad for 4-5 months (I think) to further his studies, and every night I would cry a lot because I missed him. So what my mother did was, every night she gave me my fathers' shirt that has his distinct smell for me to bring to bed. I've stopped crying since then. Very dramatic, huh?!!.. yes, I know... I wouldnt say that I have always been close to my father, he is 100x much closer to my other sisters but somehow there is that unseen,invisible bond that binds me.

On the day of his operation last month, all of us gathered around his bed before they took him away. My sisters said their good lucks & wishes, showing their smiling faces to my father but me?.. I couldn't hold back my tears. I had to hide my face but when he called me to come nearer, I didn't say anything to him. No good lucks, no wishes just tears, honest and full of love came streaming down my face. The words got stuck at my throat and all I could do was kiss his cheeks.

I can only pray that he wont forget me...

Assalamualaikum people...

I'm back for another round of rantings and musings and whining.. can you handle it?

So the JOARY patriarch aka my father had his major bypass heart surgery on Friday February 29th, an auspicious day for a surgery, huh?!...

I'm sad of his condition...like yesterday, his blood pressure (BP) dropped to an alarming state, the doctors had to add another pint of blood to him. Maybe its the medication, maybe his body is in too much pain, maybe... there's 1001 "maybes".. at the same time, he was having a hard time breathing. The nurses said that its a normal condition...and there's not one thing I can do to help.. I feel so helpless..

I cried and cried and cried.... I want to help him.. I want him to remember me.. I want him not to hate me.. I want him to love me..like when I was a child....

... can we continue this another day?..

heyy...

So, tomorrow my father will be checking in at the hospital for his major heart surgery this Wednesday... They will leave home before noon and my sister is sending him together with my mother...

Wish I could be there too...

Oitt!!

I have always been a fan of Japanese movies, Anime especially this particular actor..
TAKESHI KANESHIRO..you know him don't you? Especially you guys from South East Asia..
It has been YEARS since he did a Japanese movie.. if I am not mistaken, the last Japanese movie he did was The Returner.

Here I would like to share with you his new movie called sweet rain : shinigami no seido.. I hope I will get the chance to watch this movie.

The story is about "A god of death (Takeshi Kaneshiro) takes human form and spends time with people who have a week left to live. He's actually quite charming as a human, and doesn't take any particular joy in the final goal of his work. Instead, he chooses to experience the good parts of humanity such as music and culture until the time comes to complete his task. Based on a novel by Kotaro Isaka."



Isn't he yummy!!!

Just another lazy Sunday

...it's about time I updated my blog, huh!!!??!!!....
hhahhaaa!!!....

Not much happened today, it is an ordinary day for me.
did some laundry..but, everyday IS a laundry day!!
cook lunch.. sort off!!
went to the grocery shop to get a pack of diapers for the girls..and mind you, THAT was the highlight of the MY day!!! the girls are always happy to go for a ride!!

Hope tomorrow will be more interesting...

Selamat tinggal..Adios..Good bye..Sayonara..

p/s, have any of you seen Alien vs Predator 2?
Dont you just love Predator? He is soo arogant! yes?!!

Hola

Heyy..

So, today is Valentines Day..not that I'm doing anything fancy today!!

All of a sudden nothing seemed important anymore..ever since I found out about my father's condition. Luckily, the girls are there to distract me. If it weren't for them, I would be a depressed & sad person. I also found out that yesterday, my father was not feeling well, he coughed blood yesterday. I don't really know how bad his condition was but according to my mother, he was a bit tired yesterday... I keep reminding myself not to worry because the doctor have scheduled his operation on February 27th. I can only pray that he'll come out alright....



As for the girls, they are happy with their new home(as you can see..hehee), and so is the husband. Me? I don't know..I'm still not feeling it. The house doesn't feel like mine. I know I was the one who talked into moving here. I was so excited moving here. But now, I don't feel excited anymore. I did felt it on the first week but then, the feeling just, sort of gone, it left me...

I'm not making any sense huh?.. I guess I am that kind of person. Its amazing how I manage to have friends!! Hahahhaaa.... but you know what, deep down, I am a very sad person....

I'M BACK..IN MY NEW HOME

Baby!!... I'm home!!..
How are you? Are you eating well?
Good.. me? I'm ok. Still unpacking.. didn't realize we had so many things
I took a few pictures of the new home..I will share it with you, eventually..(sorry for that..)

I still find it difficult adjusting myself in this new home..
I guess maybe I'm use to a smaller house..I was brought up in a small house and
now, i get to live in a bigger house. Awkward, I guess..

Despite all this excitement (mine, anyway..), the Clan received a shocking news... You have to understand something; This kind of news, we(well, me actually) only hear it happens to other people or people close to you like your friends or your friends friend, but not someone who is directly connected to you. Its really scary when you think about it...

The Clan chief aka my father, is diagnosed with a heart problem. The problem is, the doctors can't do a bypass. Apparently, 3 of the major veins or thingy is clogged.. My father is very lucky because he did not have a stroke like most 70year old.. It seems that it has been quite awhile and I guess, my father did not suspect or realize that the chest pains that he have been having all this years was actually his heart crying out for help..

What came as a shock to the clan was, he has always been careful of what he eats. As long as I can remember, he has always been careful. His family has a history of diabetics and heart attacks, that was why he was so careful.. but I guess, you can never be too careful, huh??!!...

He has an appointment at the Hearts' Institute this Wednesday (6th February 2008...) hope they can schedule an early operation for him. The Institute is supposed to be the best place in the country..they have the most expert doctors.. I'm scared..
Ya Allah, I'm so scared for him. He's 70...

Im sorry, I feel like I am a bearer of bad news to you.. I've been away for the longest time, but when I'm here, I always manage to give you bad news, terrible news.. I'm sorry....

Ya Allah, lindungilah bapaku, aku tahu aku bukanlah seorang anak yg dibanggakan tapi, tolong selamatkan bapaku..walau apa pun kesilapan dia di waktu muda, dia tetap bapa aku...amin

TERHEGEH-HEGEH!!!!

Hear Ye!, Hear Ye!

Heyy....Forgive me..
I need to tell you something..
I will be moving to my new home come January 15th insyaallah
and so, I will not be blogging this few days..

I know I have been a boring person lately. No interesting entry.
Even a friend of mine commented on my lack of information.
What can I say, I have lost all interest in life and people around me ever since the November 26th incident.
My husband has been very accommodating since the incident(God, forgive me)
The Clan member have not given up on me either (creepy!!).
I feel sorry for them, they all try so hard to make me feel better and happier but alas....

I promise, I'll try to be less irritated, angry and boring

See you soon...
Love you all

New Year, New You

So 2008 has finally arrived, wohoo!!????
(should be read sarcastically)

While everyone is busy trying to find new resolutions to
be fulfilled (yeah right!??!!), here I am pondering on
what could have happened in the past years that might change me, as a person..

What is passed cannot be repeated and undone, I know but what if..

Happy New Year my dear Kinazki