This will be my last entry on this subject.
Merely because it is a never-ending, nerve-wrecking subject and
life, as we know it have to go on.
Mine anyway...
Someone said to me that people, be it your closes relative or even your best-friend,
there will always be that one person who will always find fault with you.
No matter how hard you try being nice to this person, he/she will always not like your guts.
Its in their blood. They just can't help it!!
On the other hand, I somehow always try to make people like me. I just wanted to fit in.
Isn't this like high school all over again?
Trying to fit in with the cool & famous girls?
Leaving behind those who actually cares and love you?
Is it all worth it? Trying to win & being so caught up in this "war" until it made me neglect my responsibilities?
No!.. First and for most, they are your number one priority.
Nothing should matter more than your own children.
Allah has given us women/mothers/wives a big responsibility because Allah knows we are THE only creature who can withstand extreme pressure!!
There was several times I felt that I wanted to give up!. My body & soul was too tired of this squabblings and accusations. At that time I didn't know what to do. What with the operation and all. I was reaching a point where I wanted to leave everything and try to find a quiet place were I could actually be alone to rest and think. They say talking to others helps. Maybe, but not for me. I'm afraid of their scrutiny and judgmental. I'd rather swallow everything alone and hopefully the pain will wear-off. The elders understood it. They knew the person I am. That was why they left me alone drowning in my own misery and hoping that one day I might share some with them.
During these sufficating times, I sensed that my children seemed distant. They somehow knew that there was something wrong with their mother & they looked frightened.
What should I to do? I turned to the only one "force" that could understand me. ALLAH
I am not a religous person but I knew that I am not alone and deep down in my soul, there is some strength left in me to raise my children to be better human beings & with the help of my husband, to protect my family from harm.
sumimasen ........
ohaiyo
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