October 26, 2007

Confession or Conversation?

Heyy!!...I'm sorry for neglecting you its just...
ok, i'll be straight with you. I have a crucial piece of
information to share with you.
Somehow, i think you already know what i'm about to tell you.

I am pregnant. 8 weeks yesterday, to be exact.
I will be 36 years old (come September) on due date and
this is my 3rd pregnancy.

I should be happy, right? Not everyone can be pregnant...

Dont get me wrong, its not that I am not thankful but its the
experience of being pregnant for the whole 9mths and 10days that frightens me..
..the puking and nausea a.k.a morning sickness
..the sleepless nights
..the back pains

D&C? The option did cross my mind.
That was the hardest decision I had to make.. I cried for days not knowing what to decide. Pros and cons, you name it, i thought of it.
At the end of the day, I was not strong enough to make that final call, that final decision... Then, in my hours of desperation and self loathing, my husband pointed out one unique 'point'. He said Allah has given us rezeki @ blessing,miracle who are we to say no to Allah?
It is not our work to decide who should live and who shouldn't?
God works in mysterious ways.. there must be a blessing behind this. We just have to be strong and believe in Allah

You know he is right!?
I am sorry Joary, you must think that I am weak... I hope you can understand my decision and not judge me. We have been together all these years..

"WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD NEO"

October 7, 2007

Assalamualaikum, Joary

This past weeks I've been thinking a lot about a friend of mine.
Wondering on how she is, if she's alright and of her children, are they safe.
She is one of hundreds of women who are a victim of domestic violence...

Domestic Violence.. sounds deadly, huh!!!

I do not really know how long she has been through this, but I have a feeling it has been a few "hundred" years. We've known each other since we were in college, back in the 90s. Back then, there were 5 of us, always in groups. Wherever we were, whatever we do, we were always in 5s. So you can imagine how close we are...She has always been a good judge of character, the best. But i suppose we are humans and no humans are perfect. We have all made bad decisions in our life its just some are a bit lucky...

The problem is, you think you know your partner well, but in truth you have no clue what so ever! and that, people are the scariest part. Everything is beautiful for the first 5 years of your marriage, with babies adding to your family but after 10 years down the line, the scenario seems a little different, a little darker and sinister. You never see it coming only you seem to sensed it..something is not quite right.

What do you do? Hope for the best?! and pray that nothing happens?
What if it does happen?

That is what happened to my friend!!! She confronted of course, but sometime people just do not want to face reality and because of that, she has become a victim of domestic violence...

That doesn't sound fair, does it? No one said life is fair!!! but, there is hope down the road you just have to walk that path and face whatever life have in store for you. That is my mother's mantra!! She has seen it all, believe me, she has! *smile*

I suppose I can never understand what goes through my friends' mind when she got beaten.. I can only imagine.. I wish I could help her more but one can only do so much, right? She knows I'm always here to listen and help in any way I can... One good thing though, she is a working mom. She has her work to run to whenever things at home turns bad and she has her children to keep her sane.

Life is strange don't you think? You see other people has a picture perfect life with good jobs, nice little house with gardens, beautiful children running but beneath it all, it is not as perfect. I find that a little disturbing.

Women have always been treated badly, is it because we are mentally stronger that men? Where is the justice in that?

If you think your marriage sucks, look at the bright side, at least you are not a victim of Domestic Violence...