July 24, 2007

Do I need to see a Shrink?

What can I say? I’m sure by today, the whole clan knows what happened to me last Saturday. I had a nervous breakdown!! For the 1st time in my life, and my parents witnessed it all.

After 30plus years, the clan at last knows that, I too can go crazy. All this while, I have kept everything to myself. My anger, my hurt, my frustrations, my happiness, everything. I read somewhere a long time ago, that bottling your problems/frustrations etc is not healthy, it does things to you. That is SO true…

I really do not what made me snapped. I could blame it on my hormones or my cycle, like all female. yes, if you notice, we females prefer to blame everything on our hormones. It’s easier, safer and we do not have to take any responsibilities on our actions. *smile*

When I think back on that day, it scares me.. you know why, because at that point of time, I felt like running away and F*&%@ everything else!!!.. and I almost did!!!

……I’m still waiting that one phone call from the clan asking how I am…..

********************************

I’m in pain today, dreadfully painful.. it’s tough being a woman. You have to endure a lot of pain and at the same time pretend that it doesn’t hurt.

Well, newsflash! It hurts! A lot!

And the things that comes out of your body, its gorish! (if there is such a word!!) I can understand why we women need to apply makeup, it is to cover up the paleness on our face due to the dreadful pain that we are enduring. Notice I’m using the word dreadful one to many times? Because I am SO in pain.

So man, be grateful!!!

Adios for now, I need to lay down…

July 20, 2007

TV after 10

Do you have problems trying to stay awake just
to watch your favorite tv programme every week?

I DO!!

It always happens on Wednesdays!! The programme starts at
10.45pm, and always, every time, without fail..

I will be very sleepy at that particular time.. can't even open my eyes!!!
BUMMER!!!! DOUBLE BUMMER!!!...

yes, they do have repeat but, its on a SUNDAY AFTERNOON!!!,
And usually its difficult to fight for that time slot when everyone is home...

what to do? what to do?...

Looks like theres going to be another fight this Sunday afternoon...

p/s... have you ever met anyone, an adult, who doesn't know how to peel
a BANANA?
I just met someone like that!!!
shocking? yes?!!!
...
and you think you know the person well!!???

July 18, 2007

Why do you do this to me?

It has been almost 10days since my last musings. I’m sorry.. I know its not an excuse but I’ve been really occupied. Some may think that what I do is trivial but Nothing is Trivial!

A few days back my agent (an insurance agent) called me up. It has been awhile since she called me, a year actually. Shouldn’t agents call you up often? Even if its just a social call? Hmmm???!!!… anyway, she was surprised when she knew that I’m no longer working, a stay-at-home mother.. Maybe I didn’t tell her.. Maybe she should have called me more often!!!..

I was quite offended when she said “Why?”

She could have asked, “How’s the children”, “How’s life”, “Did anything interesting recently?” or at least fill me in with the latest gossip.

No! she didn’t do any of that.

Do you know the feeling of a bad after-taste that lingers in your tongue? That was how I felt after talking to her.

Did I do something wrong by NOT working?
Everybody seems to think so ...?

I shouldn’t have picked up the phone!!!!.....
I have to be more careful after this.

July 8, 2007

in Denial

A friend of ours got married today. He is more than just a friend, he has become some sort of a brother for Anuar (my other half aka my husband). I understand that the wedding when well, family friends attended, lots of Anuar’s friends also attended the reception. I think the ceremony is his excuse to meet some old buddies (!!!??). No, I did not attend the reception because my baby still has the measles. She’s almost cured by the way. The measles are virtually gone (yayy!! For me!!!..)

Anyway, back to this friend…

For your info, Anuar is not the gossiping type (bummer!!) so, it’s a bit difficult to get any juicy story out of him. You have to ask the right questions, at the right time. And if you are lucky, you’ll get the juiciest story ever!!! That was what I did. I asked the right questions at the right time and I got the juiciest story ever for the year 2007 (..so far anyway)!!!!!

I was told that the groom’s EX-girlfriend came to the reception with a guy (u did not hear this from me!!..) and it seems that, some of his old and very close friends do not fancy this particular girl. She’s bad influence (very bad) on him or something. To make the story more juicy, she is his First serious girlfriend!!! How I wish I was there!!..*a very wide smile*

It is juicy if the EX came to the wedding, don’t you think?

Especially if you are the reason behind it...

I think she just wants all her friends (who attended) the wedding to know that she was the first…

I think she wants to show everyone that she is better off without him.

I think she still wants him.

I think she wants everyone to say “why in gods name did he let her go? She still got it!!”

I think she’s living in denial.

I think I’m a bad person…

Did you attend your FIRST boyfriend’s (or any of your many serious boyfriend’s) wedding? Don’t know anyone that has …

Me? I’m old school…

July 5, 2007

Measles

3 cheers for me! Hip hip horayy!! I am so proud of myself today.

This is how the story goes…

My baby caught the measles.. it looks really red on her. She started with having high fever 2 weeks earlier for almost 4 days. In the beginning we thought she might have caught the flu from her sister.. There were so many speculations about her illness, some said the illness was due to the heat wave that we are experiencing for the past weeks and some said that there is a wabak demam selsema & demam panas attacking the children. I was so afraid!!, On the 3rd day, when her fever was still fluctuating, we took her to the clinic. She gave us the normal medication for fever, you know paracetamol, something for her coughing and something for her flu…during this ordeal, she also developed what I thought was a rash.. Children/baby could easily develop rashes in this hot humid weather.

On the 4th day, which was a Sunday, I noticed her rashes has spread around her private parts and some at her thighs. When I looked closely, I suspect it was the measles. That same evening, we took her again to the clinic. The doctor said it wasn’t measles!! I could have sworn it was!!! Stupid doctor!! Anyway, the next day her measles have spread around her face. I went to see the matriarch aka my mother and she confirmed it.. IT IS the measles!! I panicked!! I have never done this before!! When my 1st child caught the measles, she was under the care of the In-Laws. So I wasn’t directly involved in taking care of her. But now, I need to do this by myself.

This is the scariest experience!!

The In-Laws gave me some tips on taking care of babies with measles, which helps a lot, thank you. And today, the spots on her face are almost gone (almost completely gone). There are still some on her hands, tummy and on her back. They say when the spots are moving towards the leg, it is almost cured… The spots are not as RED and garang as it was on Sunday so I think I have a few more days before it is completely gone. I give it until this weekend…

I still could not believe myself that I could actually take care of a sick child, a baby in this case!! I always thought that if anything happens, I could just pass my problems to someone else. Let them take care of it!!!... come to think of it, I still do it from time to time….

There is lesson to be learned behind this illness, that Allah gave to my baby. I guess Allah wants me to grow up, take charge of my life. To be tough to face the cruel world outside and not hide inside the safety of my home. Yes, I have been hiding all my life and now it is time to face the real world.

The question now is, are u sure I am ready?

July 1, 2007

Ive decided today that I cant be the SUPERWOMEN.
Its too challenging.
I feel pressured....

I'm sorry, you just have to accept me as it is...
I've tried my best!