JOARY vs JOARY

Trending Song 2

2012-02-02T21:42:00.002+08:00

A song about Lovers' spat...

Somebody I used to know Gotye Feat Kimbra Lyrics

Don't call me Baby

2012-01-23T18:07:00.002+08:00

Hear ye hear ye!!!
On this historic day, I am declaring myself as a free, grown, individual..

My baby girl no more a baby. She lost her 1st tooth on Saturday, 21-1-2012 while having chicken..

but it was hilarious!!! ;o)

What a drag!!!

2012-01-14T21:53:00.001+08:00

Its a saturday nite & i'm bored stiff!!

Trending Song

2012-01-05T00:49:00.004+08:00

Song of the day ...

Adele ~ Set Fire to Rain

Her voice could bring you to tears...

Dawn of a New Era

2012-01-01T06:59:00.001+08:00

Happy happy happyNEW YEAR!!!.....

A Formidable Ending

2011-12-27T21:26:00.002+08:00

One can only imagine the devastating end of this
story.

Don't you agree?.. ;p

...

2011-12-27T01:24:00.001+08:00

Good day everyone!! I've just installed a blogger apps on my android phone. So this is actually a test post..;-)I am seriously sleepy actually!!! *got to see the result*

Lies!!!...

2011-12-21T01:13:00.003+08:00

*heheeeeee....*

cr~http://www.facebook.com/MAMLMR

My Weekend

2011-12-17T14:57:00.003+08:00

What's your weekend like?

I wish mine is like this....

December Rain(?)...

2011-12-12T00:11:00.006+08:00

Sorry again for not visiting here as often as I intended.
Honestly I ran out of excuses....

Nevertheless, I have 2 good news to share with you.

No 1
Last week, me, my girls, my husband & the entire husbands family
went for a 3D2N getaway here in Malaysia.
Its called the Cameron Highlands.. Very cold for us Asians!! *hahaaa!!*
It was really refreshing for me because its a holiday long overdue!!!....
here are some of the pictures we took...

No 2
My husband bought for me a new hand phone(android)...
Now, I am soo much in love with this new phone!!! *heheeee*

Me Myself and I

2011-11-02T15:43:00.002+08:00

I saw this photo on my FB page...
Felt the need to share it here with you.

The situation is So true in sooo many levels!!

Because I still speak to Myself, my other Joary...don't I?

Via mobile...

2011-11-01T01:17:00.002+08:00

Hello???
Can you see me?...
ANYONE?

Now, why can't I post the picture along?... *now I'm pissed*

A new ME(?)...STYLE(?)... VIEW(?)

2011-10-31T23:02:00.001+08:00

I'm trying something new today.
New layout....
it does feel kinda weird, huh??...

Where are you now??

2011-10-12T21:36:00.000+08:00

I'm here too!

Song of the Day

2011-09-29T21:30:00.000+08:00

is ...
Without You - David Guetta feat Usher

Hey peeps!!!,

2011-09-28T11:30:00.000+08:00

Let us have an enjoyable and beautiful day today!!!

Sigmund Freud - Dream Tools

2011-09-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

As you are all aware, I am a fan of Mr Freud's Theories.His way of thinking is way ahead of his time and that is what makes himthe Master of Psychoanalysis.

I wonder if people thought that he was a bit "crazy" back then?

Today, I would like to share with you his Dream Theory

Freudian Dream Tools:According to Freud, dreams always have a manifest and latent content. The manifest content is what the dream seems to be saying. It is often bizarre and nonsensical. The latent content is what the dream is really trying to say. Dreams give us a look into our unconscious. Freud believes that we can chip through the dream's manifest content to reveal the underlying significance and its latent by utilizing the technique of "free association". Using this technique, you start with one dream symbol and then follow with what automatically comes to your mind first. You continue in this manner and see where it leads.To further help in interpreting the cryptic images of our dreams, Freud classified the images into the following five processes:

1. DisplacementThis occurs when the desire for one thing or person is symbolized by something or someone else.

2. ProjectionThis happens when the dreamer propels their own desires and wants onto another person.

3. SymbolizationThis is characterized when the dreamer's repressed urges or suppressed desires are acted out metaphorically.

4. CondensationThis is the process in which the dreamer hides their feelings or urges by contracting it or underplaying it into a brief dream image or event. Thus the meaning of this dream imagery may not be apparent or obvious.

5. RationalizationThis is regarded as the final stage of dreamwork. The dreaming mind organizes an incoherent dream into one that is more comprehensible and logical. This is also known as secondary revision.

cr~http://www.dreammoods.com

Lesson of the Day is....

2011-09-24T01:07:00.000+08:00

Khuntoria FOREVER...

2011-09-23T13:30:00.000+08:00

cr~tsukinomichi

.....

2011-09-18T21:49:00.003+08:00

cr~vestque

Happy Birthday JOARY.... may you stay healthy and sane for another year!! ;o)

Malaysia Day

2011-09-16T22:00:00.002+08:00

~cr. kartunisubi.com

Playlist ...

2011-08-27T01:55:00.002+08:00

Songs that are continually playing on my MP4 24/7 ...

2PM♥ - I'm Your Man

2NE1 - I AM THE BEST [HD]

Funkist - Snow fairy

SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

Perforated Appendicitis ... the truth

2011-08-19T23:23:00.002+08:00

What Is Acute Appendicitis?

Acute appendicitis is an inflammation of the appendix and is one of the most frequent causes of acute abdominal pain. It is often treated surgically as an emergency. As we still do not know the real reason behind the occurrence acute appendicitis, it needs to be treated cautiously. Some may get it because of an obstruction of food or fecal matter; others may get it due to an infection. Under certain conditions, the bacteria may multiply within the appendix. The appendix may swell and become filled with pus and eventually rupture. Whatever maybe the reason, immediate medical aid is required as this is a life threatening situation. Although the cause of appendicitis is not completely explored, it has been established that after surgical removal of the appendix, a person can live a healthy and normal life. But, when the appendix bursts inside the body, all the infection contained within it gets released into the abdominal area. The consequences of this are very serious and you need to be treated with antibiotics immediately. Appendicitis is the most common acute surgical procedure carried out on the abdomen.

cr~http://www.appendicitissymptoms.org

(I actually wanted to post a picture of this Perforated Appendicitis but,
I dont think any of us could handle it, unless if you are a Med Student
which I am not..!!)

Perforated Appendicitis (Part 2) ....

Khuntoria...

2011-06-30T00:06:00.005+08:00

There is this reality programme (kind of) that
I have been following. It is called WE GOT MARRIED.

We Got Married (우리 결혼했어요) is a popular reality South Korean variety show, one segment of the Sunday Sunday Night program. First broadcast in 2008, the show pairs up Korean celebrities to show what life would be like if they were married.[1] Each week, couples are assigned missions to complete, with candid interviews of the participants to reveal their thoughts and feelings. cr~Wikipedia

I cant believe that I actually have been following this series for almost 1year!!!
and I must confess, I am obsessed!! hahaa...

Anyways, last week, my favourite couple KHUNTORIA; Nichkhun(2PM) and Victoria(fX) had their wedding photo shoot taken to commemorate their 1year anniversary.

110625[ENG]sub we got married by mokhunvic03

...aren't they the cutest!!??!!??!!

Sleepy (hollow) Sunday afternoon...

2011-06-19T16:02:00.006+08:00

what do you normally do on a sunday afternoon?
some would take a quick nap
some would do some reading
some would watch some home dvds

but me...

I surf the world wide web for anything that is related to K-Pop
heheee...
and lately for the past week, everybody is going crazy about my favourite group
2PM...

check them out ....

..aren't they just the cutest?? ;o)

on a hot day ...

2011-06-17T18:57:00.003+08:00

on a hot day like today
don't you just feel like going for a dip???

This ad has it all, the thrill of water slides!!!

6mths into 2011

2011-06-16T23:40:00.011+08:00

..Good God!! How long was I away!!????
Where do I even begin?...

Lets see if I can crash everything that has happened for the past 6mths.

Jan 2011 : My little princess has started her pre-school..
the 1st 3mths was tough (for me and her!!)

Feb 2011 : I realised that, when my daughter has a homework, this means that the mother too has a homework!!!

Mar 2011 : My little babies obsession in drawing. Exactly like the Daddy!!

Apr 2011 : My babies are ill... and so is the Daddy. I was unanimously appointed as their nurse/doctor/nanny / whatever you can think of!! I felt broken because there was nothing I can do to make the pain go away!!

May 2011 : After 1mth of heartache, it is time to rejoice.

However later in the month, I found out that my sister, is diagnose with Breast Cancer...

June 2011 : on June 2nd, my sister had her operation. It looks scary but thank god, the cancer hasn't spread. She was at 2nd stage of the cancer. Today, June 16th the doctor informed her that she has to undergo 4sessions of chemotherapy. However, she will be monitored very closely on the progress...

Wow!!! I did it!!.. I successfully summarized my life for the past 6mths!!!
My life must be pretty boring!!!! hahaa!!...

Even with all this incidents, my obsession with K-Pop, J-Pop, K-drama and J-drama is still strong and very much alive!!!....

aarrgghh!!! how lame can my life be!!!....

p/s... this blog can be viewed thru your phone. How cool is that!!??..

2011-04-14T18:45:00.009+08:00

Just something to share...

2011-02-26T16:53:00.000+08:00

Test ... I am blogging thru my handphone... Sweet!!! Hahaaaaa..... I didn't know you could blog via phone.... SWEET...

Sayonara

2010-12-31T23:12:00.002+08:00

.... 2010 in memory

A rainy December ...

2010-12-18T22:37:00.007+08:00

There are many ways of stating the obvious
The end of the year is approaching or
we could also say
The beginning of a new season has arrived.

Which ever way you want to say, the facts remain the same..
it's the middle December and the year is coming to an end.

In my part of the world, rain usually is the indicator that the year is coming to an end. This raining season starts as early as October and lasts for a few months, usually till February or March of next year.
I must confess, I like this time of the year. The grass smells so fresh, the cool wind blowing your face, I feel happy.

..and sad at the same time. Have you ever look at the rain as it pours down outside your window? The flow of the raindrops slowly but surely. The longer you look at it, the deeper you'll fall in your thoughts. This is the time when you actually get to sit, refresh your mind and actually have a conversation with yourself.

As the new year draws in, most people would have resolved their problems by now.
or at least found a solution to the situation.

But in my case
Every December
Everything is at stand still

and I never understood why!!...

Scarborough Fair - the song

2010-11-22T02:17:00.002+08:00

When I was very young
must be around 6 yrs or 7 yrs old
I remember listening to this song..

I don't think I know what the song was all about back then
but
It has never failed to make me cry.. I was really curious!

After a while
when I finally understood
I come to realize the essence of the song...

A very very sad love song that has been sung since medieval time...
A true test of love

SCARBOROUGH FAIR
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
He once was a true love of mine

Tell him to make me a cambric shirt
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Without no seams nor needle work
Then he'll be a true love of mine

Have him wash it in yonder dry well
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Where ne'er a drop of water e'er fell
And then he'll be a true love of mine

Tell him to find me an acre of land
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Between salt water and the sea strands
Then he'll be a true love of mine

Tell him to reap it with a sickle of leather
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
Then he'll be a true love of mine

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
He once was a true love of mine

The Obsession pt2...

2010-11-11T12:35:00.017+08:00

It has been almost 3 years I'm obsessed with
men and music from that side of the globe....

When will I be healed from this obsession?

but honestly, do I really want to be healed?...
hehee!!... NO! not really..

They are men with beautiful skin..to a point of perfection.
They only exist in comic/manga books.
They should not exist in real life
but they do..
they do exist..

Life has a funny sense of humor
..can you see me laughing??

In my World ...

2010-11-07T22:39:00.006+08:00

In my World ...
I am a calm, charming yet vindictive person

In my World ...
everyone has an agenda

In my World ...
people accepts me for who I am along
with my imperfections

In my World ...
I do not need to explain or answer to anyone but
myself

In my World ...
sarcasm gets you the Death Penalty

In my World ...
you mean what you say and say what you mean

In my World ...
I drive a Mazda RX8

and

In my World ...
I am surrounded by beautiful men

What a perfect world I live in
How I wish...

MP3 player - shuffle mode

2010-10-31T17:50:00.000+08:00

Missing you

2010-10-24T21:27:00.001+08:00

One of the hardest thing I have to deal with, is knowing that you are so close...yet so far away...

Technology..

2010-08-10T12:58:00.005+08:00

it's amazing what you can do with today's technology...

Lesson in History

2010-08-08T00:10:00.004+08:00

Hello, once again...

Again, in my un-conscious state of mind, I was reminded of an incident that
happened to me a few years back.

It has been exactly 2yrs today,
that I had my gallstone operation.
Since that day,
many unforeseen incidents and tragedies has made its mark in my life.

These incidents, I believe happens for a reason.
Everything in life happens for a reason.

But the big question is, what do we learn from all this?
Do we actually understood the hidden message and the mystery
behind each tragedy

or

are we too naive to understand the meaning?
Ironically, I believe that No one is too naive.
In this age and time, is hard to find a simple-minded person.

As for me,
I admit, I have made myself ignorant of all this mystery.
I have kept myself in the dark of the bigger picture.
I still haven't found the rational of my behavior

but

I think
it is because I do not want to think too deep
I do not want to dwell deep into this mysteries...

Thinking too much of an uncertain situation
can be rather consuming...
It consumes a lot of your energy both mind, body and soul

And somehow, I don't like it...

Due to my inability to accept these incidents

History will certainly repeat itself...

one Friday afternoon...

2010-08-06T16:28:00.003+08:00

A beautiful song, just wanted to post it here....

Song : First Love
by : Utada Hikaru

Song : Positive
by : Breakerz

4 months later ...

2010-08-04T16:02:00.008+08:00

wow!! dusty!!!...
has it been THAT long since I last came here?...
my oh my!!
I would usually come up with an excuse for the absence but it seems
lately
I could not find any....

I discovered something quite interesting about myself the other day...

hahaaaa!!!... its really kind of funny, if you think of it that way...

When I was growing up, I realised that I am a forgiving person.
Always giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.
Often friends would come to me for a second opinion.

However,
I do realise that, on occasions, I may not be as forgiving.
I also come to realise that, when I hate or dislike a person,
I could not find that persons' good side..
No matter how hard they try to make amends with me,
I still could not make myself to like that person.
In my eyes, that person has flawed and it is difficult for me to accept...

So what do I do, I would just pretend to forgive and move on.
And I would make certain measures that our paths would never ever cross...

Today, I realised that after many many many years...

I once again

Hate and dislike another human being....and there is no way I can be forgiving...

2010-08-03T18:42:00.001+08:00

Shabby life, innit!!??!!....

The Jealous wife...

2010-04-27T12:25:00.009+08:00

A wife's nightmare...
Do you know how scary it is to labeled as The Jealous Wife??
It is not something we want to be proud of.
In fact, no one, not even an ant wants to admit
that they are jealous of
something
or
someone...

I have always told myself that,
whom ever that are jealous of their partner
are
lame... with capital L, capital A, capital M, capital E!!

and now, I am beginning to become LAME!!...

ah!! the shame!!...

Do you know that people DO actually kill other people out of jealousy?
They call it Crime of Passion...

LAME!!...

oh crap!!!

From the bottom of my heart, I am so happy to see that my husband is finally happy & comfortable at his workplace. I know he hasn't had this feeling for a very long time; and with "very" I mean more than 10 years. He is also finally, opening up about his office gossips & politics (me being, a gossip-monger..hehee). It took me all these years waiting for him to share these stories with me, but now whenever he starts telling...

I get really jealous!!..
my heart feels like exploding!!..
I become agitated!!..

Don't get me wrong, its not that I get crazy with everyone,
just one..
One particular sheila!!

arrgghh!!!!... what is wrong with me!!!
I am trying to stay positive in this matter
but...
I do not think it is working...

He and the sheila need to work closely; and by "closely" I mean together..
that is a good thing, right(?)
because he has an assistant, at long last, am I not right(!!??)

then why, whenever I give myself this excuse I feel
like I'm choking!??
my heart feels that it is at my throat??

I really hate this feeling of distrust..

A friend of mine gave me a pointer..
She said that this feeling maybe due to the fact that I do not know this sheila..
She is actually an outsider, not our common friend
and because of this,
I actually feels threatened (!!!??)

Me? threatened!! please!!!..(???)

..at first I find her point rather LAME but,
after long, very long consideration, she might be on to something!!

crap!!!...

Recently, someone mentioned to me Sigmund Freud's' Iceberg Theory.. I find the theory speaks to me..
What I'm showing to people are only at the tip of the iceberg
but the real problem is below the sea..
the iceberg that is as big as a mountain

We have only been married for 8years but, I've known my husband my entire adult life.
One should think that, I should know him better..
I do (???)...

I guess my worst fear is that he might decided to be "adventurous" like everyone else on this planet.. and somehow give this sheila a chance on him...

He said that he is not having an affair and that he's relationship with this sheila is strictly professional..

than pray tell,
why does the sheila need to call my husband on a Sunday afternoon?
Of course, its work related but on a Sunday, afternoon?

.. please!!! LAME!!!

What matter could be THAT important that the sheila can't wait until Monday?
The last time I checked, no one makes a call work-related on a Sunday afternoon!!

I can understand if it's on a Saturday but Weekends!!??!!

Weekends are for family!!

...crap!!!

I am the kind of person who avoids confrontation at all cost.. but than
how am I going to end this meaningless (if it is meaningless..) nightmare?

I'm sure my husband will come across this entry in a few days time...

I'll be ready to answer all his questions
... I hope!!

Sigmund Freud Personality Theory - The Iceberg Theory

2010-04-08T00:36:00.002+08:00

The diagram...

A good bath always helps...

2010-04-03T00:58:00.010+08:00

Don't you agree?

the cool water on your skin
the smell of beautiful scented soap
the richness of the foam which it creates

...it always calms me down

especially during those hours

that you feel so alone and beaten down
and
frustrated with your life-story

You feel the need to be lost in

the sea of foam...

drowning with giddy in

the beautiful scent of the soap
for hours and hours

hoping that
you will .. somehow
survived and
emerge as a new person

until the next ordeal .. frustration arises

...next entry : Sigmund Freud-the Iceberg Theory

A photograph on the Mantel...

2010-03-23T00:01:00.007+08:00

People say, as you age you become wiser...
Do you actually become wiser and more sensitive of your surroundings?
One would say that they do but, do you really?

I am blessed to be surrounded by people who cares.
They helped me and my family build back our lives after that fire incident a year ago

but alas, it is not without a consequence..

Some how I get the feeling that I am subjected to their whims and desires.
I have tried to be a good daughter, sibling but somehow, it is still not to their satisfactory..

It is common courtesy, when you have a function, you invite people.. close friends, family members..but somehow that doesnt happen to me.

Why is that?

Could they be ashamed of me because of all the bad incidents that kept happening to me?
Could it be that they find me disgusting?
Could they really despise me that much?

Alright, maybe because a few functions that was organized a few years back, we did not attend. We had good reason for not attending..
Are we being punished for that? If we are, it isn't fair...

I was told that last Friday, my parents and the rest of family members had a small get together for my nieces' birthday, I wasn't informed which means that I was not invited..right!?. Again, on Saturday, they gathered again at my sister's place for another small gathering before she flies off to Europe for a week.. I was not invited to this gathering but,(by some miracle) I was informed that she's flying off that Saturday.

2 incidents in 3 days...
How would you feel?

The irony off all this is, my parents was there at both events and their excuse was "they did not want to trouble me..."

...

After I heard the Friday gathering, my "sweet" little sister said to me "aww!!..are you angry that we did not informed you?"

...

my alter ego stepped in and answered (unconsciously) "No, it's ok!!.."

...

What pisses me off is, when I called my parents on Saturday and Sunday, they somehow failed to mention of the Friday gathering...

...

Am I really that insignificant?
Do I not have a heart?
Am I not part of that family?

I am so angry..

...

I am 38 years old and today, I understand how it must have felt...
to be forgotten in time, slowly...

Just like the many photographs on the mantel
collecting dust..alone..forgotten..

Song of the Day...

2010-01-30T02:09:00.002+08:00

Lyrics | Shinedown lyrics - Second Chance lyrics

Addiction..

2010-01-06T00:52:00.001+08:00

Created by Oatmeal

..I am NOT that addicted!! Ya Allah!! Thank You...!!!
...heheee

2009.. in review

2010-01-03T00:29:00.004+08:00

ahh!!! 2009
What a year.. what a year!!
A lot has been said about 2009 that has left us

I don't even know where to start!!

I guess, the most important incident happened to me (and my family)
was the day my house got burnt...(March 3rd, 2009)
The day that time stood still...
Nothing from that day was forgotten..

And since then...
I was left speechless
and lost for words forever
because...
anything that comes seems too
trivial and meaningless
My passion for words (and writing) seems to have left me...

arrgghhh!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so angry!!!!
I feel the need to express myself
but
I cant find the words for it!!!

AARRGGHHH!!!!.........

..and the award goes to..

2009-12-31T22:57:00.003+08:00

..after much consideration
THE MAN OF THE YEAR FOR 2009 is...

..ROBERT PATTINSON.

*well, my award anyways!!!..hehee..*

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

Learning to say NO

2009-12-21T00:22:00.011+08:00

"..this two-letter word seems harsh to some
but sometimes we need to say it."

I was given this piece of advice yesterday by someone who is
very close to me, and I believe that he can actually "read" me..
it's either that or..
I am very predictable!!

A penny for your thoughts..
"what would you do when you feel that you are in the wrong place and
hanging out with the wrong group of people?"

Answer : LEAVE
that is what a normal person would do
but not me!!
yes!! I stayed!!

The story begins 24 years ago,in 1985..

I spent the first 3 years of my teenage life away in a boarding school.
Dont get me wrong, I was very proud to be in the same place as all the learned people, clever people, creative people..in fact, I imagined that some of their talents would brush-on to me...
because..
I am the least talented person with a considerable low IQ(..that is why I hate these IQ test that they made me do!!)

In fact, throughout the entire 3 years,
I've never ever made conversations with my own classmates(especially the guys)
why?
well..for one they are intelligent and way too cool!!
as for me..
even geeks look much cooler than me!!!
really!!!

I hated that place but
what can a thirteen year old girl do?
She has to obey what destiny that has been planned out for her
for the next 5 to 7 years of her life...
She has an obligation to obey this life "journey"

How I hated that place..
..the people
..the environment

I swear everyday, for the next 3 years that I was getting out of this hell hole
but i didn't know how...

At the age of fifteen, I had my first attack of gastritis and migraine!!
It's a bit young to have gastritis & migraine at that age..that was what the doctor said.. they had to do a full CAT Scans on me!! I was only fifteen!!! dammit!!
I was told to keep it a secret, from my father...(hhmmm..I wonder where is the scan image being kept)..

I curse that place with all my being, heart and soul!!

I was so thankful and blessed when I was informed that I was not able to continue furthering my studies there (because of my extremely bad academic results!!.)
My soul was smilling at last!!
The black clouds that has been hovering me for the past 3 years has disapeared!!

Allah still loves me!!!

But, my family was not excited. In fact they were disappointed.
Again, I have brought shame to my family..
at least now, I am able to smile...

Fast forward to the present...

Facebook..
for the past months, I have been very active updating my facebook,
I have met friends that I have not met in 20 odd years!
Which is great because, we get to see how they have changed physically and their achievements...

But there are a people that I want to avoid.

Some of them wants me to add them to my list.
Yes, they were from my teenage years in hell!!
They are not what I would call good friends
but the irony is..
they (somehow) considered me as a friend!!

Seeing their names and looking at their pictures
brings back the memories of those sad and lonely years
that I have successfully forgotten!!

I don't think I want to go back to that place..
even if it has been more than a decade ago!!..

Its too painful and cold...

This is why I was advice to say NO..
NO to them, the people
NO to going back to that cold and painful hell

LEARN TO SAY NO...

p/s..The person that gave me this
strong advice, has no facebook account!!!
Weird??
Maybe.. a little
but I think..
he finds his pass more darker
and a worse hell-hole than mine....

wait a second!!.. could this actually be the reason
why we are so good together?..
errr. scary!!!

City of Angels

2009-12-19T14:49:00.003+08:00

A few nights ago,
the telly was showing the movie CITY OF ANGELS; Nicholas Cage & Meg Ryan..
and I remembered why I loved this movie years ago!

and now..

for the past few days,
I can't get this song out of my head..
IRIS by the GOO GOO DOLLS...
what a killer song!!!...

I need you to feel this song..

are you feeling it now?

Crowded Head!!...

2009-12-17T02:57:00.005+08:00

These are the questions/situation, call it anything you like
but
these are voices that I kept on hearing in my head, everyday...

.. Needs the missing piece of her puzzle to turn up...maybe one day?!

.. Why is it when u think your doing the right thing, something happens and your right back where u started from?

.. Knows what she wants, but doesn't know how to get it!

.. Thinks maybe its easier to keep the wall up.

.. Wonders why some of the most important decisions in life have to be SO damn hard to make.

.. Standing at the cross roads, doesn't know which path to chose

.. I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant

.. Every time they say your name, it cuts a little deeper into the already existing pain, and all i can think is how they cant see what i saw.

.. SSHHH...if you stay really quiet... you can hear the voices in my head too!

.. The natural order of things returns the balance one day all the hurt and pain caused returns to the person who caused it eventually you just have to wait

And, most of times..
is in the mood to push someone down the stairs, hit them over the head with a fire extinguisher then berry the body under the garden patio

Is there something wrong with me?

The new JOARY

2009-12-15T14:45:00.003+08:00

Yes!!!

Hahaaa.. at last I have outdone myself by changing my template!!!

I have been wanting to do this for ages and now
I have successfully done it!!!

I am so proud of myself!!

I went to see a movie...

2009-12-15T02:10:00.014+08:00

..and at last, I have gone to watch the movie that everyone has been talking about
for the past months.

and you know what,

I actually enjoyed every minute of it!!!!

You have to admit, the vampire IS super cute!!!

Oyazumi!!

2009-12-08T00:35:00.005+08:00

Man!! I really need to update my blog!!!

I will!! I promise!!

I just need some inspiration...

are you inspired, now?
..no
how about now?
..no
now?
..no
what about now?
..no

AARRGGHHH!!!!

okay...
...
and now?
...

ahah!!!
we may be a bit inspired...
....
let me examine the picture in detail and I'll get back to you.
how does that sound? ...

...

2009-11-02T16:16:00.001+08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!....

Art Interpretation Part 2

2009-10-31T23:06:00.004+08:00

This art was done by my 3year old baby...

.. Picture 1

.. Picture 2

She was experimenting the affects of colors on a white background.
So cute!!!

Let me introduce to you once again..

This is Syakira, my 4year old baby

and

this is Alyaa, my 3year old baby.
She's actually waiting (in patience) for her turn to use the computer..

The Song

2009-10-28T17:23:00.000+08:00

This song brings back memories...

An Art Interpretation by a 4year old

2009-10-24T12:54:00.001+08:00

..can you see the heart?

..the bright shiny sun

This artwork was made by Syakira, my 4year old baby girl..

*sob..sob*

When did she grow up so fast?...

Words from the HEART

2009-10-21T00:14:00.001+08:00

Wow!! it sure feels weird..
it has been so long since I've written anything here.
It feels kind of foreign.
How long have I been out? since June/July, right?

Almost half a year!!..
That is long...

People say you need to be inspired to do this kind of thing.
Maybe that's true
but then again
It doesn't have to be that way.

The good thing about writing on a blog is, for me
you can write anything your hearts desire..

The only problem now is..
what does your heart wants to say?

She must have a story to tell, right?
She has seen so many things all these years
She has felt your sadness and happiness

and most of all

She was there during your difficult times making decisions may it be good or bad.
So it must have something to say
or at least a

Short comment...

I suppose my heart is still not as open as everyone wants her to be.
She still has some secrets that she doesn't want to share

Not yet, that is...

The time will come when she opens up... and when it does

All hell breaks loose!!

ON A LIGHTER NOTE...

I find the baby REALLY cute!!!
life was so much simpler when we were babies, huh!!...

The New Me...

2009-10-19T11:07:00.002+08:00

I needed this.
The NEW me..
even though some thing remains the same.

I feel happier with this new facelift.
No more leaving in the dark..
Everything is..
..clean
..white
..fresh

I know now, I'll be coming back here more often...

A Girl's Never Ending Love

2009-07-17T01:03:00.000+08:00

Why can't we girls be like her, Pucca?

She is ...
1- Clever
2- Resourceful
3- Persistent

How I had wish that I was like her..

Bummer!!

Social Networking .. Social Utility .. whatever!!

2009-07-11T22:57:00.006+08:00

Oh man!!
What a drag!!!...

This is what happens when you start using the social network available on the net.

Situation 1:-

Recently, my social network page have been flooding with messages
from my ex co-worker...

They want to organise a Reunion.

I do want to go and meet them, just for the fun of it but the thing is..
The majority will probably not want to meet me but instead
wants to meet my husband..

Me?
I'm just a camouflage ...
I've realized it a long, long time ago and it doesn't really bother me anymore, actually..

What really bothers me is..
My husband doesn't show any interest in meeting our old friends.
I have hinted to him my interest in going
lets just hope that
when the time comes, he'll actually agree to come...

Situation 2:-

My reason number one for participating in these social networks is for me to find lost friends.
Me finding friends and not the other way around..

Do you have people/friends(?) that you don't really want to meet?

Its not that you hate them or anything is just that,
during those years that you knew that person..
you seldom talk to him/her...
No matter how you've tried to make friends with them..
they just decided to ignore you

and now...
after many many years...
they decided that they want to be your friend.

ahh!!! what a drag!!!....
dont you just hate it when this happens?

Handphone dari Jepun..

2009-07-01T00:56:00.007+08:00

Aku tengah tension giler nih!!

Tadi aku ada beli magazine handphone di kedai mamak.
Bukan lah apa tapi, memang tiap-tiap bulan insyaallah aku akan beli magazine nih sebab
suka berangan tengok hand-phone latest & canggih di pasaran.

Tapi,
tiap kali bila habis baca
hati mula jadi sakit!!!

mana tidaknyer...

setelah meleleh-leleh air liur tengok capacity, kecanggihan teknologi & betapa comelnye handphone di luar sana
bila sampai ke mukasurat 10 yang terakhir
magazine nih akan highlite phone-phone dari Jepun..

...hati mula sakit...
...hati dah sakit...

segala jenama besar yg tekinja-kinja
menawarkan teknologi hebat, skrin besar, skrin sesentuh
kamera, pemain audio/video, internet itu ini...

dibanding kan dengan jenama Jepun...

kesemua diatas tadi nih, tahap tahi idung je!!
takde makna nya!!!
walaupun pada telefon jenama Mee Ramen!!!

Satu contoh,
Jepun suka clamshell..
Clamshell standard punya skrin ialah 3inci..
Percuma, skrin diluar telefon 1inci..
Kamera kebanyakan 3megapixel ke atas..
Touch screen dia, tak payah nak cerita lah kan!! buat sakit hati jerr!!.. ADA!!

Tapi
Jepun tak highlite semua nih!!
Mereka lebih highlite pada feature-feature lain antaranya:
..kalis air
..cas phone pakai solar
..tahan jatuh
..mengesan gempa bumi
..men diagnosis penyakit
dan ntah apa-apa lagi!!!

Dan yang paling MENYAKIT KAN HATI!!...

SEMUA DESIGN CANTIK!!!
WARNA NYA..isshh!!! kalau cerita, boleh mengalir air mata!!!
KEYPADNYA!!!..iisshh!!! tak payah nak tekan pun!!

dan yang paling hampeh sekali...

masuk musim panas, ada design baru
masuk musin bunga, ada design ala2 bunga
asal masuk jer musim baru, ada lah design baru mereka!!!

pendekata...

satu design dari jenama barat review nyer tak abis walaupun 3 issue
walhal satu jenama Jepun..
contoh: "Mee Ramen phone"
dah berpuluh jenis design dah keluar ...

Dan kemuncak sakit hati..

Satu pun tak nampak jual di Malaysia
dari mula issue aku follow!!!!

Jadi untuk sejuk kan hati
aku cuba nak minat telefon klon dari China

Tenang hati aku!!!

Words that has no meaning...

2009-06-30T00:20:00.008+08:00

I am at lost with words..

I know I need to express myself but aarrgghh!!!..
I literally do not have anything constructive to say.
A long time ago someone suggested that I become a writer...
now isn't that ironic!!

I am always looking for something fresh and interesting to share
but lately it seems, I have not heard anything from my inner conscious.

My alter ego...

We have not been talking like we use to. She on the other hand is being very quiet lately and I do not like it!!..

Could it be that she is gone?
My Joary? gone?
massa ka!!??...
That can't be true, right?
My alter ego has actually left me? for good?

Oh no!!! this is NOT good people...
NOT good at all!!!

2009-05-31T01:20:00.004+08:00

Photo of the Day

2009-05-15T06:54:00.008+08:00

..we are sisters

...watermellon, anyone?

...hmm!!??

March 3rd 2009 - a pictorial

2009-05-13T21:22:00.016+08:00

... this was what happened to us on the morning of
March 3rd 2009.

Sins of A Women

2009-05-12T01:44:00.014+08:00

..People say time heals all wound
I say that's crap!!!

Why am I being so hard on myself, you ask?!
Because its the truth..
Time do not heal all your wounds
it just stays quiet for the right time to
rip you apart, all over again!!!

I never claim to be a good person.
I have done my shares of bad .. things.
and (I think) I have paid my dues..

Then why do this guilt keep re surfing?
Why, this incidents keep haunting me again?
Why do I need to be reminded of the miscarriage?

For the past year (or so), I have lost a very big part of myself
..and I am not talking about my gallstone operation.
And not a day goes by that I do not regret of the
consequences that has fallen onto me.
I almost made THE most wrong decision of my life.
If I had gone trough with it, I don't think (I feel) that I can look at
myself the same way ever again.
I dont think my husband can look at me the same way, ever!!..
.. he'll probably be disgusted..

Abortion it seems, will somehow leaves a psychological affect on to a women.
It is not something to be taken lightly.

But luckily Allah has turned it around.
Fate has turned my story around..
for me, it was a scary predicament..
but it happened anyway.

For the past year (almost),
I have seen people very close to me having babies (3 babies since August '08 and 1 more coming in August '09). And for the past 8 - 9 months, I have been lucky to see them grow up to be
beautiful babies..

And every time I see them, this guilt feeling will crawl up and it makes me want to scream and cry!! ...

Ya Allah, forgive me..

Missed me (?)

2009-04-28T00:35:00.002+08:00

.. I highly doubt that!
hehee..
anyway..

I am proud to say that I am up and about!!
We have established a broadband line for my
blogging/facebook addiction..

A million thanks to the Telekom Malaysia and my Husband ...

oh by the way, I have found a friend whom I have lost for quite awhile..
I have added his name/blog at my "People of Interest".

Soul, if you are reading this, I have added your name... jgn malu-malu ek!!..

Got to go.. be safe people..

Sayonara!!

Todays Headline..

2009-04-12T01:27:00.005+08:00

Have you ever felt excited after shopping?
That was what happened to me earlier...

We bought a couch.
An L shape couch.
Our first couch.

The couch will be perfect for our new house..

Other news..
We will be moving into the new house tomorrow.
I am calling it "the house" because I still need some adjusting/comfortable with
the new surrounding and neighbourhood.
It will be awhile for us to be up and running on the telephone line and the broadband so, I'm afraid I wont be able to be online for awhile.. (as if I have been updating frequently, huh!??..)

In the meantime, behave yourselves!!..
I'll be back...

I did another Quiz

2009-04-11T00:20:00.005+08:00

I am guilty as charged!!
I can't help myself!!! This has turned out to be quite a fun activity..hehehehee..
I did answered all the question given as truthful as I can & believe it or not,
I did not even cheat!

but somehow..
I feel that the result is not quite right..
Honestly, I do not see myself as leader/manager..
and yes, I am at times a good listener but I am definitely not a leader...
but maybe, just maybe I might be a good leader (!?)
A quality that I am not aware off (perhaps?)...

oh my!! this is too much to swallow!!!

Result of your test :

Your results present a correlation ratio with our model superior to 97 % .
( In a general way, a result can be taken into account if this ratio is superior to 30 %.)

Your Profile :

You are 35 % extrovert and 65 % introvert.

Independently of any order of importance :
You are able to have an in-depth thinking, you think before acting, and you know how to communicate your knowledge.
You are also imaginative and creative, you have always new ideas, and you know how to apply them.
Finely you are attentive and cautious, you take into account the needs of others before setting up the defined goals.

Your attitude towards the environment :

facts

feelings

idees

At first, at 35%, you are centered on your thoughts and your actions are determined by your knowledge and your experience.

Then, at a rate of 33%, you are focused on the facts and on the reality, and your decisions are determined by your perception of facts.

Finally, at 30%, you are attached to moral values and feelings, and you have an emotional relation with the environment.

Your highest qualities today :

At 21 %, you are thoughtful and deep, you think before getting into action and you know how to communicate your knowledge.

At 21 %, you are intellectual and intelligent, you keep wondering and inquiring before setting up your next step or defining your values.

At 19 %, you are a creative person, with always new ideas, and you know how to apply them.

At 18 %, you are attuned to others and you show a good emotional intelligence, which allow you to give support to people.

At 18 %, you are creative, you know how to see beauty, you are intuitive and your inspiration comes from the inside.

Finely, you are thoughtful and capable of listening to others, you take into account the needs of others before setting up the defined objectives, you are a manager and a leader, and you know how to organize groups of people and how to give them your energy.

Quizzes..

2009-04-04T15:12:00.002+08:00

This Facebook thingy can be addictive, yes?
In the beginning, I did not like the idea of people finding me..
Mostly selfish reasons, of course.
I mean, if for the past 10 or more years you have successfully dropped from the grid
hence avoiding certain group of people, wouldn't you want to continue doing just that?

But alas, I lost to this battle..
Day by day I have become addicted to prying on what my other comrades are doing and say in their circle.
Not that I want to join them or anything but just stood there as an independent observer.
Hence, I have neglected my time here with you..

I'm so sorry..

Anyway, lately Facebook has introduced series of quizzes for its member to participate.
Purely for fun..I am guilty of participating in one quiz and now, I cant stop myself.
One quiz after another..
Its like a drug..
I kept coming back for more..

These quizzes are quite interesting and funny, actually!!
and, I want to share some of the quizzes that I took..

Among them are : No 1 - Yeehaa!! Yes!!!!..hahaahhaaa!!! if only its true!!

Mazian completed the quiz "Which celebrity should you marry?" with the result Johnny Depp.

You should marry Johnny Depp. You like the bad boy turned good type, the hotel room trasher turned loveable daddy type. He is your soul mate..

No 2 - I did not realise that I could be so violent, honestly!!.. this must be you Joary, my alter ego..

Mazian completed the quiz "What Sort Of "I don't give a fuck I'll eat you" Killer Aquatic Creature Are You?" with the result Bat Shit Crazy Shark.

These motherfuckers don't give a FUCK. They will munch your shit up entirely. On the real..

No 3 - .. This hits the spot!!

Mazian completed the quiz "What color is your personality?" with the result Melon.

You are a very shy person. But you are also very compassionate and kind. You love to help other people, and you are very selfless. If someone is hurt, you are always the first one to help even if you don't know them. However, you are very timid, so you don't have many friends. If you want to be someone's friend, tell them. Trust me, they want to be your friend too. Your motto: "Others before me." . Take the quiz!

No 4 - Another Joary's alter ego

Mazian completed the quiz "Are You Clinically Insane?" with the result Sociopath (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

You don't care about rules. You don't care about inflicting pain. In fact, you don't care about anything besides fulfilling your own twisted desires, regardless of the cost to others. This is what makes persons with Antisocial Personality Disorder capable of anything, and thus, the most dangerous of all crazies. Maybe you're not a serial killer... maybe you just take advantage of people at any available opportunity. Maybe you steal for the fun of it, maybe you enjoy hurting people's feelings, or manipulating those around you, pitting them against each other for your own amusement. In any case, you're a sick f***. Get help.. Take the quiz!

No 5 - 50%-50% truth..

Mazian completed the quiz "What Color Is Your Heart?" with the result Crimson.

The Crimson Heart is assertive, brave, energetic, action-oriented, intelligent, individualistic, independent, impulsive, full of strength, competitive, eager, straightforward, forceful, headstrong, pioneering, a leader, focused on the present and freedom-loving. They can also sometimes be intemperate, violent, impatient, fiery, rash, extreme, and arrogant.. Take the quiz!

No 5 - There is some of me in this..

Mazian completed the quiz "Which military general are you?" with the result William T Sherman.

You're the general that the enemy fears; the one that is a disciple of total war who is not afraid to let enemy civilians know that war is not limited to battle between armies. Although you are an able and even gifted high-level strategist, you will always be known as someone that prefers to to attack the enemy wherever possible, even if it means their cities, industry and food production..

After looking at all these results, I find that I am a bit of a cooky!!..
I need help, huh??
Do you think that it was my alter ego aka Joary that answered most of these quizzes?
I personally think that she took over during the test..but of course, you don't believe me..

Alone..

2009-03-29T00:08:00.002+08:00

..that is a scary word. Dont you agree?

Do you know how lonely I am whenever your not around?
I have no one to talk to
Even when I'm in a room full of people
I am still alone..

Do you know how scary the feeling is?
The feeling of being alone?

You said you'd never leave me alone but alas..
you are spending more & more time with your
friends and
lesser time with us...

I am tired of being alone

How do I make you understand how I feel?

25 Things ...

2009-03-27T15:59:00.003+08:00

Don’t think too hard. Just jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.

1. My ex is still: somewhere out there..

2. I am listening to: 9 crimes by damien rice (song?)

3. Maybe I should: go shopping

4. I love: being in love

5. I don’t understand: why life is so complicated

6. I lost: that someone a long time ago...

7. People say: Eyes is the window to your soul (that is so true..)

8. The meaning of my screen name: is me

9. Love is: dangerously beautiful

10. Somewhere, someone is: thinking of me (i hope!)

11. I will always: be full of love

12. Forever seems: like is not coming this year

13. I will never ever want to: be hurt

14. My cellphone: needs a good camera!!!

15. When I wake up in the morning: its a dawn of a new day

16. I get annoyed when: people treat me as if i'm dumb

17. Boys are: cute (but men are yummy!! hahaaa)

18. Girls are: ..whatever

19. Kisses are the best when: its honest

20. Today: will not be the same as yesterday

21. Tomorrow: will be better (perhaps?)

22. I really want: to turn back time

23. I feel: i need more time to myself

24. I answer my phone: with enthusiast

25. I am: JOARY!!!

House of Fire

2009-03-25T00:14:00.003+08:00

Where do I begin to tell my story
the chaotic story of
my unprecedented life?

Aahh!! Life... it is so unpredictable!!
you spend your time without the slightest idea that
something that is so unpredictable is about to happen.. and when it does..
it leaves you speechless, dumbfounded and scarred even.

So, how do you handle the aftermath?
Do you carry on and cry 24/7? or
Do you try to find something or someone to blame for all that has happened? or
Do you accept your fate with (false) pride & dignity for everyone to see even though you are breaking into small pieces like a shattered glass.

That was what I did.
I lead everyone around me to believe that me & my family are fine and that we are ok.

Do they know that I am crying inside?
Do they see that the smile and laughter does not reflect in my eyes?

I couldn't show the world how broken I was.
I couldn't even cry or else my girls would see me and they could not shake their nightmares.
I didn't have the heart to tell my husband how scarred I was because he too needed me to be strong for him.

So, what can I really do for myself?
I too needed help..

Untill now, the sight of fire & smoke still scares me..
me and my 4year old child
and I'm sure, my husband too still has nightmares of the incident on the morning of
March 3rd 2009 ...

Do you enjoy Japanese song?

2009-03-03T00:03:00.002+08:00

Some of my friends find me a bit weird
because I enjoy Japanese music.
Yes, I don't understand what the song is about but the music they make are
beautiful & catchy.

Especially songs that accompany the Japanese anime.
Be it songs from the opening credit or the ending. I happen to like it very much.

Here is one very good example that I want to share with you.
This is the end song from the anime Bleach.
It is from the group Sunset Swish; My Pace
I have attached here 2 versions..

Version 1 : the Music Video..

Version 2 : taken from the anime Bleach..

Now, my point is.. 1 song but it has 2 versions for you to enjoy.
Version 1.. beautiful song
Version 2.. a very cute & funny song that can be enjoyed by anyone..

Dont you agree?

Honto ka??

2009-02-15T23:05:00.004+08:00

May I ask you a personal question?
What would you do if you had an information that could change someone's life, literally?
And that piece of information happened almost 14years ago?

I was asked this very same question by a very close friend recently,
and you know what, I do not know how to answer her...

One thing for sure, she is very upset!!.. and angry..
She kept on saying over and over again that she wished she could changed it all, and how happy she could have been if only she knew it 14years ago...

14years ago, if only he would have told her what she had longed to hear..
today she would have been a happier person.

All she wanted to know was did he loved her as much as she loved him?

She had done so many things to get his attention... countless things.. crazy things
She would have even killed for him...
and when all her efforts was to no avail, She resorted to the lowest plan of action...
her last resort..
because she was not ready to let him go, just yet...
she tried to make him jealous...

For the past 14years, she kept saying to herself He doesn't feel the same as I do, it is time to let him go...
This has been her mantra for the past 14years..
and over the years, she actually believed that it was true

untill recently...
She told me that
14 years ago that day, the day that she tried to make him jealous.. it actually works!!!
He WAS jealous, really upset and frustrated... he too cried that day..

I asked her..
Didnt you see the signs? Signs that he was jealous?
and you know what she said? She said..
I remember feeling a river of sadness flowing through me that day.
and when I looked at him, I thought I saw something in his eyes but, I wasn't sure....and when I looked again, it was gone!! that "something". And at that point, I knew I had lost him...forever

And today, she wants to cry, badly
but the tears are all gone because
she had cried her last cry that day..

the day she thought she had lost her true love... 14 years ago

I need to help my friend...
Tell me what I can say to her... to heal her.

My back hurts!!

2009-02-12T01:16:00.002+08:00

My back hurts really bad this time around...
Its that time of the month!!..
Bummer!!

I have nothing much to say..
I'm so sorry!! komeneisai..

Did you noticed my new pet fish?

Please feed them, will you?
Thanks!! aren't they just the cutest?!!

A Kodak Moment

2009-02-03T01:26:00.006+08:00

I would like to share with all of you
photos of me & my family taken recently (Friday, January 31st 2009)..
I do realize that lately, I have not been taken any photos of me or the family.

I wish I knew why the sudden lack of interest in photos.. I used to love taking pictures...

Anyways... here they are..

..This is my family.. myself, Alyaa (3yrs old), Anuar (my husband) and on his lap is Syakira (4yrs old). We were having steamboat for dinner at Johnny's Alamanda. The food was excellent!!...

..though the quality of this picture is not as good, but you can still make out that it is a photo of me & Syakira. People say my daughter & I looks the same, what about you?..

..this is a picture of me and Alyaa. As you've noticed, she's pretending to be sleeping. How do I know?.. Notice the smile on her face?..

..all of this photos are made possible, thanks to the other Joary (the one next to me)..

... and today February 3rd, is Syakira's 4th birthday. We have already ordered a Powerpuff Girls cake for her and I hope that she will have fun eating it as much as we had fun ordering the cake.

But amidst all this happiness, I am very very sad because on Sunday, Syakira fell down & she was badly injured!!
She had bruises and cuts on her face..
Her left eye was badly swollen..

I pray that the cake will cheer her up!!!...
Mama's little baby is 4 today and soon your going out to the Real World.. know this, in that World, you will feel more pain than you felt on Sunday..
I pray that you will be ready for it!!...

..on a lighter note

2009-02-01T01:05:00.007+08:00

...Interesting things happened to me during this whole week;
both sad & happy. And can you believe it, I am actually feeling happy,
genuinely happy!!.. which is rare for me!!..hehee...

Like for example yesterday, I received an alarming news of my sister. She is about 8weeks pregnant and she's bleeding profusely..praise be to Allah that the fetus is still intact, the doctors could see the little one's heartbeat!! Isn't God great!!

But there's an irony behind this news..
..no one knew that she's pregnant!!! No one! Not even my parents!!
Heheee.. so, the moral of this story is, NEVER KEEP AN INTERESTING & JUICY STORY A SECRET!! It will definitely be out in the open sooner than you think!..

hahaaa!!....

On a lighter note,

I received a text message from an old friend. I've been trying to get hold of this friend for a year now but, to no avail, my calls (& messages) are never returned. Yet, I never gave up because deep down I know, my calls (& messages) will one day be returned. Anyway, in the message it wrote, sorry for not contacting you for so long its just that I'm having some personal problems. I'm sorry..

Yeah right!!!
What is that all about!!??...
You have got to be kidding me!!!??
Are trying to insult my intelligence or something!!???....
I am DEFINITELY striking you out of my Black Book!!!

Question...I will go in-depth on this issues in another entry..
If a friend of yours in trouble and there's nothing you can do but you still want to help, how would you help?...

Is this Insomnia...

2009-01-24T00:30:00.002+08:00

I think I may be suffering from insomnia (a mild one, I hope..)
What is Insomnia, actually?..
Isn't it a condition where you find it difficult to fall asleep?
During the night especially?
What about during the day?
If you feel tired during the day but you can't seem to fall asleep then,
is that also insomnia?

bummer!!...

I actually been having this sleeping problem for a few weeks now
and it is now catching up to me..
I am sleepy during the day especially around 11am to noon and once the clock strike 12:01, like a switch, I am no longer sleepy!! Often, I try to force myself to have a quick nap at around 3pm-4pm but, it never works!! I don't feel sleepy at all. If I force myself too hard, I will get a massive headache later on.. I find this predicament quite scary actually..don't you? Recently on Tuesday, I manage to fall asleep at around 3:30pm. It was the only compensation sleep I had through out this whole week.

It is now 12:45 midnite & in 15minutes it's 1:00 o'clock in the morning, I am so wide awake!!!.. I think, I may, probably, perhaps fall asleep at around 3:00 o'clock in the morning (like yesterday!!...)

hhmm...
Where can I find the cure?

A friend suggested that I go and seek professional help aka the doctor. But then they'll prescribe me with medications and in the long run, I will no longer experience the joy of falling asleep, falling into a deep, peaceful and beautiful sleep.. I don't want to loose that.

Sleeping is one of my pleasures of life. I enjoy sleeping very much..
I am famous for being the easiest person to fall asleep. I can sleep in any condition at any place...

Is this what happens to a person who will turn 40 in 3 years time?...
If that is the case, I don't want to turn 40...

do you facebook?

2009-01-19T15:28:00.003+08:00

konichiwa...hello
komenei...i'm sorry

Lately I have been busy with my facebook.
It seems that many of my long lost friends are there
and now I am busy updating all of them.

I started with only 2 friends and now,
at present, I have 19...
aren't you proud of me?..

For every good invention, there is always one small downfall.
As for facebook, I think the only downfall that it has is, people can find you easily.. but then, that is the main purpose you do facebook, right?
To get people to find you...
Yes, you can though ignore their request for adding you as your friend but
that would be rude, don't you think?

humm.. what to do than to all those unwanted people that, for years you have successfully avoided them and now, within days, they have tracked you down and pinned you!?...

Do you think that they mind if I were to ignore their request?...
The Unwanted People?
The People that you are trying to Avoid?

humm.. what to do? what to do?

Dont do it if you cant handle the heat...

2009-01-13T00:27:00.004+08:00

ohaiyo..

How is everyone this new year?
It has been 12 days already..excited? hehee so am I!
Can't wait to see what craziness will follow...

So, what have I been doing this 1week plus of the new year?
obsessed with 1 particular story..
can't stop thinking of it..
Yes, it is another Korean movie..I think I may have mentioned this story to you sometime ago, or didn't I?

As I was saying..
this story is basically about getting caught by your own spouses of your secret illicit affair.
Very messy!!! if you ask me.
I think, if you want to be involved in an affair, you have to take extra precaution as not to get caught however, you have to understand of the consequences..
At the same time, you also need to face the fact that one day, your affair will be out in the open. Its just a matter of time..

Why am I obsessed with this topic, you ask?
I guess its because that I'm worried for a friend of mine.
She is having a secret affair (of some sort) and I'm afraid for her. I know she wouldn't do anything but, we humans have our limits.. how long can we turn a blind eye on temptation?
I know I can't!!

Over the years, I have met with many, many people who got caught with affairs
and the outcome is never pretty.. ever.
Many will get hurt, intentionally or otherwise
It is fun while it lasted
but..
you are constantly reminded of your situation, having fun on borrowed times.
Which I find is not appealing...

So to those of you who are thinking of doing it,
think hard!!
Don't do it if you cant handle the heat...

the movie is called April Snow..
Bae Yong Joon (the hero)..

Which is your favourite Bae Yong Joon?

2009-01-06T23:58:00.003+08:00

Hey!!!...

Haven't done anything exciting yet..
Earlier, while browsing YouTube, I came across this commercials..
2 of the most interesting Bae Yong Joon commercial.
Now tell me, honestly.. which is your favourite?

Option A :

..honestly, he makes me want to buy the whole damn shop!!

or Option B :

..doesn't it make you want to buy another pair of glasses?

hahh!!! either ways... I'm hooked!!!....
hahh!!! damn!!!...

Last chance to say goodbye...

2008-12-31T15:34:00.004+08:00

So... today is the last day of the year, huh!??

At last!!!!
It took awhile huh!??...
and here I thought it'll never come!!.. hahahaa..
How was the year 2008 had been for you?
good?
bad?
satisfied with the achievements?

2008 for me was like a roller-coaster ride..
fast,
high adrenaline
crazy and
scary
but, I survived!! wuhoo!!!

I wonder what 2009 will be like?
Will it be as crazy and scary?
Will I have another (or several..) breakdown?
Will I have another crazy obsession? or
Will I have peaceful and more meaningful life?
I would very much like to have a happy and meaningful life but,
don't we all? hahahhaaa....

So today is my last chance to say goodbye to all memories of 2008..
Thank you for all the lessons that I went through..
However, there will be memories and incidents that I want to forget and I will never, ever mention of these memories again. They will be lost in my heart, forever.. Its the only way for me to heal...

So, goodbye 2008...
I'll never see you again and
I have no regrets!!
Sayonara..

Mirror mirror on the Wall..

2008-12-27T00:11:00.003+08:00

My father turns 70 today (Dec 26th)..
I can't believe it!!
I don't believe it!!

The big 7-0!!

Never in my wildest dream that I get to see my father become 70 years old!!
Never in my wildest dream that I get to see Anyone to be 70 years old and still strong!!

Maybe deep inside, when it comes to parents, we are still very much a child. We say to them that we want to grow up and expect them to treat us as equals but somehow I think, deep down inside we still want them to treat us like when we were a child. Hold us, tell us that they love us..

Yes, we do get irritated sometimes when they ask if we've eaten or when they tell us that we acted badly but honestly, even after each phone call that they make, secretly, we feel somehow proud, satisfied and loved..and not to mention a massive headache!!!

And You know why?

Purely selfish reasons actually!!
We feel loved (secretly) because our parents still loves us no matter what crap we gave them!!
I know I do!!..

For me, time stood still when it comes to my parents.
For me, my mother's age does not go beyond 50 and my father will always be 63...
I always believed that they will not age.. that they will stop growing old after that age limit. hahaa!! ridiculous, huh!??

I wonder how my father was this morning?..
Waking up very early for his morning prayers..
thanking god that he is still alive for another day..
Looking at the mirror and staring at the lines of years on his face..
So many memories..happy, sad
People he lost over the years.. so many of them..
The years that has passed by..
It must have been really sad to look over the years and losing so many loved ones...
I wonder if he has any regrets?
Is there anything that he would like to change if he were given that chance?..

Now, wouldn't that be a prefect gift for that 70 year old man, huh?..
The gift of time... to go back in time and change any part of his life...

How I wish I could give him that...
hummm

..Sayonara

p/s... merry christmas for those celebrating and a happy new year..
especially to you Annie Temple, you rock!!!...

War of the Roses

2008-12-21T22:13:00.005+08:00

Are your neighbours nosy?
Believe me when I say that I do not want to fall into that category
but,
I think I am...(!!??!!)

Let me tell you a bit of my neighbourhood..
I live in the suburb with a healthy environment,
pleasant,
everyone smiles at each other,
children playing at the playground freely..
you cannot help but feel safe.
No doubt there are a few setbacks here & there like the time where my house got raided by thieves.. aside from that, its a beautiful place to live in..

My story is about a neighbour of mine..

One door down, is a married couple. They have a son and according to reliable sources, the son lives with the wife's parents in another state. Both husband (Joe) and wife are workaholics. They go to work very early in the morning and return home after dark. Often I think, they would have breakfast together before going off on their separate ways..I have seen this ritual ever since I moved in early this year..

They look content with this arrangement and seemed like a happy couple. Mind you, I am not a nosy neighbour is just that ever since my house was broken into a few months back, I became more aware of my surroundings and neighbours.

This past months, I have noticed that I have seen less and less of them. The wife would return home circa 8pm and Joe will follow suit but lately, they would return home very late circa 10pm-11pm. Sometimes only Joe comes home or just the wife. At first,I didn't really took notice because them being workaholics, its nothing new that they would spend the nite at the office to finish up their work.. Usually one day of the week they would be home, which is the weekends but now, there's no one home even on a Sunday.

And today, my husband pointed out an interesting observation..he says that our neighbour would return home at different times as not to meet each other.

And here I am thinking that I was nosy!!!.. I think is because he missus his smoking buddy at night!!..(Joe and my husband would accompany each other smoking cigarette outside at the porch..) That was why he noticed the change in my neighbour's schedule..

His conclusion was that, they, my neighbours are having a fight.. Maybe one was cheating and the other found out of the affair..
I think, because the affair was out in the open, bitter & angry words were exchanged and one left home.. They couldn't get a divorce (yet) because they may still have feelings for each other and furthermore, they have a child who is living far away to think off...

I missed my neighbour.. she's my only "friend" here...

Moral of the story..If you want to have an affair, try not to get caught!! It would be so messy later on!!...

How are you, my husband?

2008-12-18T21:34:00.004+08:00

My life, at the moment is not perfect but,
its not bad either.
Yes, 2008 is or has been a difficult year not just for me,
but also for my other half..
What with him between jobs and me,
being an unhealthy person for most part of the year, must have been quite difficult for him.

I never actually asked him, how he coped through out the year.. does that make me a bad person? Hell!! I even tried to bailed on his birthday!!

I think that qualifies me as a Certified Bad Person!!

Why am I mean to him? I do feel sometimes that I am a little hard on him.. not always, just on occasion.. I tend to be a little heartless, some may say a little inconsiderate.. People say to me that I married a man who loves and excepts me for who I am even with all my flaws and I am one of the luckiest women on earth....

There are so many dotted lines that needs to be filled out and I find that I am running out of answers...
I do not have much time left, the year is almost coming to the end and I need to find some kind of closure before I can proceed to the next year...

What should I do?...

The first move, why me?

2008-12-16T15:54:00.004+08:00

Last night I found a long lost friend online.
I was surprised to hear from him.

We use to be close but, ahh!!..that was ancient history!!
But still, I was surprised that he was still awake at that time...

Which brings me to this question,
have you ever thought that in other part of the world, someone you know is also thinking of you as you are thinking of that person?

The irony of this is, why isnt that person take the first move?
Why does it always, almost everytime it has to be you that makes that first move?
It is tiring, isn't it?

When I was younger, in search of true love, I always envisioned (and pray!!..) that the right guy will come and make the first move and sweep me off to a far away place....

I was young and naive!!
It will never happen in real life, well in my life anyway!!
So in the end, it was me who made that first move...
But you know, no matter how hard you tried, you will somehow, lose that person.
The person that you tried so hard getting by making the right moves, saying the right things...

ahh.. that is life!! cruel!! but you have to live it you can't run away...

Is that time of the year again where I become melancholic, forgive me...

bummer!!

My latest Obsession

2008-12-13T23:19:00.003+08:00

hehee!!!....
so, I am still not done yet with my sudden interest in Korean drama...
and he is the reason of this crazy obsession...

Bae Yong Jun, everyone!! remember that name!!!...

and the best part is, we are of the same age!!
yes!!!

Korean drama, anyone?

2008-12-04T23:32:00.005+08:00

Can I interest you with a Korean drama?
For some of you, especially those in Asia,
you'll definitely know the actor.

Even if you have not seen his ever famous drama,
Winter Sonata
you know him!!!

Yes, he is Bae Yong Joon!!! remember that name!!

The drama is called The Legend and it comes in a 2-box set.

I am so, definitely hooked!!!
Now I understand why my elder sister is his ultimate biggest fan!!

Go and watch this drama...
Some way you will get hooked!!
Believe me!!
Trust me when I say, resistance is definitely futile!!!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and watch episode 26 (onwards..hehehhee!!), again!!!

Sayonara!!!

Blending in and Accepting the Truth

2008-11-30T23:30:00.004+08:00

It seems that there is still hope for me to
blend in with society..

A while ago we had dinner outside, they were showing the sports channel. There was a match going on, Badminton somewhere in Hong Kong (I think!!??) I actually enjoyed the game. It has been awhile. Did you know that I like to watch sports?

Yes. I enjoy sports especially football (aka soccer), tennis and rugby (for obvious reasons, heheee!!). But I must say, football is still the best!!.. Be it the World Cup, EPL, Bundesliga I used to enjoy them..passionately.

I actually felt connected with everyone at the restaurant.
It is as if I belong there..
as if I am part of society...it was so satisfying!!..

The last time I felt like this was during the last World Cup in 2006.. It was THE most satisfying feeling I've ever felt!!
The suspense
The thrill
The frustration
The tears and blood
are the Soul of the Game

Ahh!!... especially during the Penalty Shoot-out!! I Really hate it when a team has to go through with the Penalty Shoot-out... don't you just hate it!!

Anyway, I was at my parents place yesterday (for my weekly ritual visits...). I have been wanting to do it for awhile and alas, I braved myself to go on the weighing scale.

Yes people!!
I have gained weight..(bohoo!!...)
I wasn't surprised at all!! Wonder why?!!??hhmmm
I think the main reason is that I have stopped feeling sorry for myself and beginning to embrace life with more maturity and forgiving (for myself and my ego anyway..).
I have a feeling that in some cruel way, the song (Stand in the Rain) made me see myself more clearly without judgment or prejudice.

Is this how I actually am?
Crying myself to sleep?
Suffering alone?

I'm beginning to understand now why I've been so tired all these years...

A sad anniversary

2008-11-29T01:09:00.005+08:00

Tuesday, November 26th..
It has been one complete year since the incident that I lost my unborn child.

That day, was a sad day for me..
It rained the whole day..a cool day..a sad day..
It still hurts thinking about it..
Not a single day passed by that I don't think of my baby...
I guess what hurts more is the fact that my body agrees that I am not fit to carry on...

I was listening to the radio that sad, rainy afternoon. Drowning myself in self pity & loath when the dj spinned this song..

I find the song fitting to my soul and what I felt at that moment, and I want to share the song with you...

Stand In the Rain -Superchick-
She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

please forgive mama.. mama was not strong enough..

The new Me (?)

2008-11-22T23:31:00.005+08:00

You know what is my biggest problem?
One of many anyways..
I do not know how to initiate a conversation, or in this blog writing case, finding the first words.
so here goes..

Today I've decided to go through with it after thinking about it long and hard. It has bothered me real bad. I am normally a patience kind of person but this thing is driving me crazy and I have had enough.... My hair has come to a point where I can't take care of it any longer!!

Arrgghh!!!!

So in the end, after months of patience and evaluating, I had a hair cut.
Short.. a little layered..

I must say, I look good!!! really good!!

It has been so long since I felt like this.
The strength that crept in you, subtly after a good cut.
You feel you own the world!! and sexy at the same time..
I miss that feeling.
I used to feel like this all the time at some point in my life but now, I realize I don't feel like I own the world anymore, let alone feel sexy.

Why is that?
Do you think its because I have unintentionally shied myself away from society or was it on purpose? Do you think that deep down inside, unconsciously my alter ego has been controlling me all this while?

I say this because I know for a fact that my alter ego (aka Joary) is an Attention Seeker. She will do anything to seek some kind of attention, even the slightest attention. She's crazy that way!!.

If that is the case, I have lost the battle way before it even started!. I was never given the chance to prove myself!!...

...

The lost 10mins

2008-11-17T00:13:00.004+08:00

Today was like any other day..
another Sunday.. a beginning of a new week
but deep down inside, I knew that something was amiss.
I cant really describe it but, its another of those deep gut feeling
that you just can't shake off...

Like always, I woke up early (I consider 7.30am on a Sunday IS early!!..)
started the day as usual with the laundry,
then the breakfast,
later giving my girls showers,
preparing everyone for our lunch date
then I remembered,
today they will air the last episode of the Korean drama that I've been following (well, on and off) for the past months, BUMMER!!

If I am going to make it,
in time to be locked in front of the telly, I need to speed everyone up!!!
Now, how do I do that?!!...

It looks like I need to wear my Drill Sergeant beret for today!!
Move!!, move!!, move!!!

After all the dissatisfaction look that I received, I somehow manage to sit in front of the telly before the show even started!! yayy for me!!!

Its a really sad story...
I'm sure everyone (everyone like me..hahaa!!)
wants to know if the two of them would choose each other...
With my coffee as my companion, my anticipation has gone wild!!
crazy even and suddenly...
the satellite dish has gone psycho on me!!
its at the utmost important part of the whole *blinking* story and I've lost the signal!!!....

arrggh!!!! all I needed was 10mins!!
the last 10mins!!
The most important 10mins that will shape the whole drama!!...
arrgghh!!!

So what did I do to improvise?
I turn to the ever resourceful the World Wide Web!!

hahaa!!!
and what did I find?!!
YES!! the 10mins that I lost to the satellite signal!!

hahhaaa!!!....

Now, what am I going to do next week?
bummer!!

The Day of Reckoning

2008-11-14T16:14:00.003+08:00

Today's the Day!!!..
Today's the Day!!!!..

Last call people...
any ideas?
guys...
anyone... yuhoo??!!

I could fake a pain, yes? no?..

FRIDAY 14th

2008-11-12T01:36:00.003+08:00

...what to do?.. what to do?...
arrggghh!!!!

My other half birthday is this freakin' Friday..
FRIDAY the 14th
and I don't know what to get him...

Maybe I could still get away with it?
what do you think?
Men, by nature never ever remember dates or numbers, right?
or maybe, he doesn't remember its his birthday until days later..?
that would be nice, yes? and I do not have to crack my head to figure out what to get for his 37th birthday...

Unless, by some cruel turn of event, someone decided to give him a call and wish him
Happy freakin' Birthday...!!!

..I'll kill that person!! By George I will!!

But, what if he remembers and expect some kind of present or surprise from me?!?!?!????

Argghh!!!!! ...
What to do??.. what to do??
Where to hide??!!....
What should I get for his present??!!

Nectar from Heaven

2008-11-06T01:02:00.005+08:00

A few nights ago I had a take-out at a restaurant nearby.

They serve local dish with a dash of Thai influence.

We ordered the usual seafood Tom-yam*.

But this time, my sister decided to be a bit adventurous so she orderd a dish

called Tom-yam Pokpek.

I do not know if the dish is actually named Tom-yam Pokpek or if it has been changed just to make the dish sounds interesting..

Here in South-East Asia, we know that Thai foods are very spicy and beautiful.

I have the utmost respect for Thai food!!

This particular dish, Tom-yam Pokpek has all the seafood that you can imagine in it. It has crab, cuttlefish, prawns, siput lala (a kind of seafood..), lots and lots of lemongras, lemon, tomatoes, ginger, chillies... writting about it makes me drool!!!!

This is one wicked dish!!!

It is heavenly!! It makes me cry just thinking about it!!!

The after-taste.. how can I describe it to you??.... It is something out of this world!

It's better than sex!!

It is a true NECTAR FROM HEAVEN...

I need to taste it again!!

I'll go crazy if I don't!

p/s : to those of you who wants to try, the reastaurant is in Bandar Bukit Puchong BP3,

at the junction of BP3/5

*Tom-yam = a Thai version of soup. It comes in many colors, clear, red..

Proudest person on this forsaken Earth

2008-10-30T15:50:00.002+08:00

Yesterday my girls made me the proudest mother on earth.

While we were doing our monthly grocery shopping,

Syakira, the older daughter decided than she wants to hold hands with her

sister, Alyaa. She wanted to walk with her sister, hand-in-hand.

Amazing!! We were all confused!!

Not just us the parents, but even Alyaa!!

Syakira all this while, has never displayed any form of affections towards her sister.

So you must understand why Alyaa at first refused to hold her sister's hand. But when we eplained to her that Syakira only wanted to hold her hand, she was sooo happy!..

Alyaa was smilling all the way!!

I could not describe to you the feeling I felt then.

The proudest moment of my life.

Now I know without a doubt that if anything were to happen to me,

Syakira will take good care of Alyaa...