..and the award goes to..

..after much consideration
THE MAN OF THE YEAR FOR 2009 is...




..ROBERT PATTINSON.




*well, my award anyways!!!..hehee..*

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

Learning to say NO

"..this two-letter word seems harsh to some
but sometimes we need to say it."

I was given this piece of advice yesterday by someone who is
very close to me, and I believe that he can actually "read" me..
it's either that or..
I am very predictable!!

A penny for your thoughts..
"what would you do when you feel that you are in the wrong place and
hanging out with the wrong group of people?"

Answer : LEAVE
that is what a normal person would do
but not me!!
yes!! I stayed!!

The story begins 24 years ago,in 1985..

I spent the first 3 years of my teenage life away in a boarding school.
Dont get me wrong, I was very proud to be in the same place as all the learned people, clever people, creative people..in fact, I imagined that some of their talents would brush-on to me...
because..
I am the least talented person with a considerable low IQ(..that is why I hate these IQ test that they made me do!!)

In fact, throughout the entire 3 years,
I've never ever made conversations with my own classmates(especially the guys)
why?
well..for one they are intelligent and way too cool!!
as for me..
even geeks look much cooler than me!!!
really!!!

I hated that place but
what can a thirteen year old girl do?
She has to obey what destiny that has been planned out for her
for the next 5 to 7 years of her life...
She has an obligation to obey this life "journey"

How I hated that place..
..the people
..the environment

I swear everyday, for the next 3 years that I was getting out of this hell hole
but i didn't know how...

At the age of fifteen, I had my first attack of gastritis and migraine!!
It's a bit young to have gastritis & migraine at that age..that was what the doctor said.. they had to do a full CAT Scans on me!! I was only fifteen!!! dammit!!
I was told to keep it a secret, from my father...(hhmmm..I wonder where is the scan image being kept)..

I curse that place with all my being, heart and soul!!

I was so thankful and blessed when I was informed that I was not able to continue furthering my studies there (because of my extremely bad academic results!!.)
My soul was smilling at last!!
The black clouds that has been hovering me for the past 3 years has disapeared!!

Allah still loves me!!!

But, my family was not excited. In fact they were disappointed.
Again, I have brought shame to my family..
at least now, I am able to smile...

Fast forward to the present...

Facebook..
for the past months, I have been very active updating my facebook,
I have met friends that I have not met in 20 odd years!
Which is great because, we get to see how they have changed physically and their achievements...

But there are a people that I want to avoid.

Some of them wants me to add them to my list.
Yes, they were from my teenage years in hell!!
They are not what I would call good friends
but the irony is..
they (somehow) considered me as a friend!!

Seeing their names and looking at their pictures
brings back the memories of those sad and lonely years
that I have successfully forgotten!!

I don't think I want to go back to that place..
even if it has been more than a decade ago!!..

Its too painful and cold...

This is why I was advice to say NO..
NO to them, the people
NO to going back to that cold and painful hell

LEARN TO SAY NO...



p/s..The person that gave me this
strong advice, has no facebook account!!!
Weird??
Maybe.. a little
but I think..
he finds his pass more darker
and a worse hell-hole than mine....

wait a second!!.. could this actually be the reason
why we are so good together?..
errr. scary!!!

City of Angels

A few nights ago,
the telly was showing the movie CITY OF ANGELS; Nicholas Cage & Meg Ryan..
and I remembered why I loved this movie years ago!

and now..

for the past few days,
I can't get this song out of my head..
IRIS by the GOO GOO DOLLS...
what a killer song!!!...

I need you to feel this song..




are you feeling it now?

Crowded Head!!...

These are the questions/situation, call it anything you like
but
these are voices that I kept on hearing in my head, everyday...

.. Needs the missing piece of her puzzle to turn up...maybe one day?!

.. Why is it when u think your doing the right thing, something happens and your right back where u started from?

.. Knows what she wants, but doesn't know how to get it!

.. Thinks maybe its easier to keep the wall up.

.. Wonders why some of the most important decisions in life have to be SO damn hard to make.

.. Standing at the cross roads, doesn't know which path to chose

.. I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant

.. Every time they say your name, it cuts a little deeper into the already existing pain, and all i can think is how they cant see what i saw.

.. SSHHH...if you stay really quiet... you can hear the voices in my head too!

.. The natural order of things returns the balance one day all the hurt and pain caused returns to the person who caused it eventually you just have to wait

And, most of times..
is in the mood to push someone down the stairs, hit them over the head with a fire extinguisher then berry the body under the garden patio


Is there something wrong with me?

The new JOARY

Yes!!!

Hahaaa.. at last I have outdone myself by changing my template!!!

I have been wanting to do this for ages and now
I have successfully done it!!!

I am so proud of myself!!

I went to see a movie...

..and at last, I have gone to watch the movie that everyone has been talking about
for the past months.

and you know what,

I actually enjoyed every minute of it!!!!

You have to admit, the vampire IS super cute!!!

Oyazumi!!

Man!! I really need to update my blog!!!

I will!! I promise!!

I just need some inspiration...

are you inspired, now?
..no
how about now?
..no
now?
..no
what about now?
..no


AARRGGHHH!!!!


okay...
...
and now?
...

ahah!!!
we may be a bit inspired...
....
let me examine the picture in detail and I'll get back to you.
how does that sound? ...