October 30, 2008

Proudest person on this forsaken Earth

Yesterday my girls made me the proudest mother on earth. 

While we were doing our monthly grocery shopping,  
Syakira, the older daughter decided than she wants to hold hands with her
sister, Alyaa. She wanted to walk with her sister,  hand-in-hand.

Amazing!!   We were all confused!! 

Not just us the parents, but even Alyaa!! 
Syakira all this while, has never displayed any form of affections towards her sister.
So you must understand why Alyaa at first refused to hold her sister's hand. But when we eplained to her that Syakira only wanted to hold her hand, she was sooo happy!..

Alyaa was smilling all the way!! 

I could not describe to you the feeling I felt then. 
The proudest moment of my life. 

Now I know without a doubt that if anything were to happen to me, 
Syakira will take good care of Alyaa...   


October 28, 2008

Siblings rivalry, the Finale

This will be my last entry on this subject.
Merely because it is a never-ending, nerve-wrecking subject and
life, as we know it have to go on.
Mine anyway...

Someone said to me that people, be it your closes relative or even your best-friend,
there will always be that one person who will always find fault with you.
No matter how hard you try being nice to this person, he/she will always not like your guts.
Its in their blood. They just can't help it!!

On the other hand, I somehow always try to make people like me. I just wanted to fit in.

Isn't this like high school all over again?
Trying to fit in with the cool & famous girls?
Leaving behind those who actually cares and love you?

Is it all worth it? Trying to win & being so caught up in this "war" until it made me neglect my responsibilities?

No!.. First and for most, they are your number one priority.
Nothing should matter more than your own children.

Allah
has given us women/mothers/wives a big responsibility because Allah knows we are THE only creature who can withstand extreme pressure!!

There was several times I felt that I wanted to give up!. My body & soul was too tired of this squabblings and accusations. At that time I didn't know what to do. What with the operation and all. I was reaching a point where I wanted to leave everything and try to find a quiet place were I could actually be alone to rest and think. They say talking to others helps. Maybe, but not for me. I'm afraid of their scrutiny and judgmental. I'd rather swallow everything alone and hopefully the pain will wear-off. The elders understood it. They knew the person I am. That was why they left me alone drowning in my own misery and hoping that one day I might share some with them.

During these sufficating times, I sensed that my children seemed distant. They somehow knew that there was something wrong with their mother & they looked frightened.

What should I to do? I turned to the only one "force" that could understand me. ALLAH

I am not a religous person but I knew that I am not alone and deep down in my soul, there is some strength left in me to raise my children to be better human beings & with the help of my husband, to protect my family from harm.

sumimasen ........
ohaiyo

October 24, 2008

Siblings rivalry

Someone once told me that when a woman starts cleaning, like major cleaning, that means she’s thinking and that her brain cells are actually used up to the max (200%). He also gave me a heads up that I might be that kind of person. I did not take any of this seriously because I thought he was just being mean. I was so wrong!!.. I just realized it a few days ago when I was doing spring cleaning around the house. My brain was so busy thinking, analyzing, finding answers and solutions. A lot was happening up there, in my brain. It came to a point where I think I heard myself answering my own questions. That was scary!!


All this while I thought that I was ok, I thought that I had no problems with people around me especially my siblings. Again, I was wrong. It seems that I do have problems with them. To be exact, they have a problem with me and now, this “disease” may have spread to the elders aka the old folks. I thought that everyone would be busy balancing between work and family, neither of this would happen. I think someone may have started a small spark and now it is beginning to grow.

 

Siblings rivalry. Does it still exist? 

We have all grown up. We all have family, children, other commitments. Why is it still there? Why does it still hovers above us? Why cant they just leave me be? They have everything that the heart desires!!.. Leave me alone!! Enough of this never-ending rivalry and hatred!!. I’m tired!!..

I was accused of not being sensitive to the well-being of the elders.

I am also accused of not able to keep my family in good shape/health.

I am accused of not being a good home keeper. 

I am accused of not being sensitive to the people around me. 

I am accused of not spending more time with them (the other Joary) They say that I am sad and that I need to go out and meet other people ( I have to agree on that last one..heheee).

 

How do one react to this when I am the kind of person who avoids confrontation at all cost?

 

Why cant they just leave me alone?. I would love to spill my beans here and share everything with you but, I can’t!. You can never be too careful. We do not know who might be reading this blog. They do not know the existence of this blog but, what if??... 

 

One can never be too careful…

 

Oyazumi, Sayonara  

    

October 11, 2008

October 6, 2008

I just got in...

Ohaiyo everyone...

I'm once again back from the holidays..
My activities?
errr, let me think??
what did I do through out the whole week??!!??
I ate & ate & ate..
and that was the HIGHLIGHT of the entire week!!!

mmuuaahhaahaaa!!!

Catch you later dudes!!!...

p/s...enjoy my new selection..